More the Merrier

Sunday was a very interesting day. I was off work so I spent it shopping and showing my new friend "Mary" around town. She and her husband, "John", are going to be moving closer soon. Since I have lived here most of my life I brought her along to show her the sights. After John got off work we all three came to my place. I already knew that they were a Dom/sub couple. Experiencing and participating in a play session with them was a new fun experience.

I have never had the opportunity to "team up" with another Dominant before and I have to say I love it. It was wonderful. Mary is a real pain slut. I've never had the pleasure of getting to play with anyone who actually gets off on the pain before. She also came to the conclusion that she was bisexual and both of them are eager to explore this side of her. I am only too happy to help :)

Anyway it seems that every Sunday will be our play day. Bear is going to try to get off work on Sundays so he can join in on the fun as well. I really hope that things will continue to go smoothly. So far they both seem to be fine with things and eager to continue to push all of our boundaries. I am actually touched that they have invited me to join in on this exciting journey with them. I enjoy getting to play the role of teacher for some things and in turn learn new skills to add to my repertoire.

Outdoor Fun

This past weekend the weather was spectacular. And being the arrogant exhibitionist I am I decided that Bear and I would play outside for the first time. He was nervous at first (I have neighbors but there is adequate foliage to block any peeping), but I know him well enough to know that the risk is what makes it exciting for him. He followed me out to the back deck and helped me remove the porch swing from its anchor frame.

I had him strip off his shirt and hold his wrists out so I could bind them together with white silk rope then I secured them over his head to the swing frame. I used my scarf to blindfold him then opened his mouth and put in the gag. I took up my blue suede flogger and started slow. I seldom beat Bear because we are both much more into mental domination. I love it when we do play hard though, mostly because I know he doesn't enjoy the pain alone. He submits and offers his body to me, not for his pleasure, but for mine. It is very touching and it makes me so proud of him. This also means he is vocal when we play and he squirms, which only gives me an excuse to torment him more. It is a wonderful, wicked game that we both enjoy on occasion.

Afterward, I admired the butterfly pattern my strikes marked on his back. I moved closer until I was standing in front of his blindfolded eyes and placed my hands on either side of his face. I spoke to him gently and removed his gag. I could tell he was fine and untied his hands and removed his blindfold. I rubbed his wrists to make sure his blood was circulating and handed him a drink. It was a very enjoyable day outside. :D

Kinky Catch Up

I have noticed that other than touting the many wonderful things about my boy I really haven't written anything for months. So I have decided that it is quick update time.

First of all I have been trying to improve my rope skills for my boy. He loves bondage and decorative rope work so I have been learning new knots and experimenting with new designs. Last nite I used white silk rope to make a chest harness and interlocking corset on Bear. It actually looked good and I was bummed I didn't have a camera for documentation. I will have to get my hands on one soon.

Also I have always been curious about lactation and adult nursing. Recently my boy confided that he also had always wanted to try it. So we have been doing research on how to induce lactation even though I have never been pregnant. We have been using the Marmet Technique as well as suckling. So far it seems to be working. No milk yet, but my breasts and nipples are swelling and slightly sore. This is supposed to be normal. I am also considering taking herbs to naturally stimulate as well. Even if I don't have any milk yet, I still enjoy trying very much. Hopefully we will be able to get positive results soon. From the information I have found, it is also helpful that I am on birth control that hormonally simulates pregnancy. This should make it much easier.

My boy is also discovering he can handle much more pain than he thought. We have been experimenting with his pain tolerance to see not only how much punishment he can comfortably take, but also what types of things he prefers. He seems to enjoy the same types of toys I do, floggers and other impact play objects. Also like me, he dislikes stinging toys like canes. He is also able to play quite often. We have been having at least one play session every two or three days instead of once or twice a month. I am extremely proud of him and I can't even begin to describe how much I have really come to love and appreciate him these last few months especially.

I think thats enough for now. Hopefully everything will continue to improve. My vanilla life isn't going nearly as well, but I am still holding out hope for that to improve as well.

Abraided Leather

Ok shameless plug post. I have been a member of my local munch group for quite awhile now and I have met many many wonderful people there. One of my favorite people is Mr. A of Abraided Leather. This man is seriously amazing. He is a very nice, friendly guy who is always willing to strike up a conversation or answer a question. In addition to his sparkling personality, he is also a skilled leather worker. He offers a variety of leather and imitation BDSM toys. I am absolutely in love with his floggers. His pieces are beautiful, well made, and very reasonably priced. Whats not to love? :P

Not only does he offer stock pieces, he does custom orders as well. He can make just about anything in any color. It is truly amazing. I suggest that anyone looking for affordable quality toys check out his site or if you are in the area, hit him up at a munch. He is almost always there. Plus he usually raffles off a toy or two at the munches with the profits going to the Humane Society. Talk about a great reason to part with a few bucks. :)

In conclusion, I guess I just can't say enough about Mr. A and his amazing work. He is a great guy with a great hobby. Check out his site at: http://www.abraided.com/
You will be glad you did. :)

Too Busy...

Lately I have been neglecting my blog. I guess I have plenty of excuses, and I really have been busy, but mostly its laziness. I really haven't felt like writing lately. Alot has been happening and I got behind...which made me put off catching up, which of course, put me further behind.

Things have been going well with M. She is very sweet and wonderful. I don't know how I got along without her before. She came down a few weeks ago and stayed with me overnight. It was wonderful. I spanked her until her entire ass was bright red and covered in hand print welts. :) It was fantastic. She is so sensitive, I had her squirming in no time. It was also the first time I fell asleep with her in my arms and I can't tell you how wonderful that was.

After she stayed with me I went home with her and stayed a few days. It was really nice because I met her fiance and their friends. We got to spend more time together and she showed me her favorite places in her hometown. We had a small incident the second day I was there. I had told her to kneel on the floor without moving or talking for one minute as a punishment for brattiness (of which she is guilty of quite a bit). She refused to do it, so I left her to pout on the bed while I sat in a chair and smoked, waiting for her to obey. After a few minutes she realized I wasn't going to give in to her pouting and knelt on the floor. Her one minute had been upped to six for disobedience. I timed her and after her punishment was up I pulled her onto the bed and held her and we talked over what had happened. I think that she is testing me as much as I am testing her. I know that she has had other Dommes in the past that have given in or failed to be Dominant and that has made her wary of me. I think that she is beginning to trust that even though strict protocol isn't my style I still have certain expectations of behavior that I will not budge on. Complete obedience to commands is one of those things.

When I got home from staying with M, I used clothespins on her breasts for the first time. After we got to my house the night she dropped me off, she ended up staying pretty late. I used my multi-colored pins to make a matching a flower pattern on both of her breasts. It looked wonderful and I wish I had taken a picture.

Hopefully M will be able to come stay with me the first weekend of June. I want to take her to the Munch and show her off to my friends. Also I hope to have a special surprise for her, but since she will probably read this I won't write what it is. I just hope she likes it as much as I think she will. :)

Well that is all the catching up I feel like tonight. Maybe I will write about my first date with M sometime in the future. It was a very interesting night.

Texas Threesome

Ok, I did promise to write about the threesome Sir and I had in Texas with one of our friends. For the sake of privacy I'm going to call her Amy, which is not her name.

We got to Amy's house in the early afternoon. We all sat together on the couch and chatted for a bit. Sir pulled her in close and started to kiss her and fondle her amazingly large breasts. I was getting so wet just watching them together. After a bit He grabbed her hand and led her to a more private room. He told me to stay on the couch while He fucked Amy in the bedroom. The whole time they were gone I was so wet and ready I couldn't stand it.

After awhile I heard my cell phone ring. I had forgotten that my purse was in the spare bedroom. Sir called me in to get it. When I went in the room He had Amy on her back and was sucking her big beautiful tits while He fucked her. Neither of them paid any attention to me as I walked around the bed to get my phone. By then it had stopped ringing. Sir told me I could stay and watch Him cum in her if I promised to be quiet. I agreed of course.

When they were done Sir and Amy got up and got dressed again. We all went back to the living room to relax for awhile. This time it was me who got to kiss and fondle Amy while Sir watched. I could see He was hard again and Amy was very wet. Sir whispered to me that I should go fuck her. So I grabbed her hand and led her back into the spare bedroom.

When we got there she seemed a little nervous. It had been a long time since she had been with another woman. So I continued to kiss her and slowly undress her, kissing and fondling every part of her that I uncovered. She started to relax and undress me as well. When we were both naked I pulled her down to the bed and kissed all down her body. I started with her mouth then worked my way down her throat and breasts until I made it all the way to her pussy. By now I could see her juices dripping down her legs so I lapped at her inner thighs until she begged me to eat her out.

I stared out slow, just licking and sucking her clit. Then I slid my middle finger inside her. She moaned and I pushed a second finger inside her. She was so tight it barely fit. Sir must have had to work hard to fit His cock in her. I fucked her with my fingers and kept licking her clit. She just moaned and thrust back onto my hand. So I fucked her harder and harder until she came all over me. I slid my fingers out of her throbbing pussy and she pulled me up to her. Gently she kissed my face and sucked her own cum off my tongue. I was in heaven.Then she told me to lay down on my back. She began the same way I did, just using her mouth on my very wet pussy. Then she started to fuck me with her fingers, rubbing my G-spot and licking my clit. I loved every minute of it.

After we were done I pulled her close and held her for awhile. It felt so good to be with another woman again. I had missed it alot. After we were both dressed we went back out to the living room to sit with Sir. I helped Amy make lunch because we were all famished. We sat and ate and talked for awhile.

When it was dark outside Amy pulled the shades shut. We were all sitting on the couch again. Amy had Sir's cock out and was sucking it. I was sitting at their feet watching her and fingering her pussy. It was so beautiful to watch another woman suck Sir's cock. I almost came just watching. Then Amy grabbed me by my hair and pulled me so I was kneeling and began to kiss me hard. Then we both started to take turns sucking Sir's cock, licking His balls and kissing each other. It was amazing. I could tell Sir loved it.

Sir told both of us to stop and strip. When we were all naked Amy laid back down on the couch. He made me get on my hands and knees in front of her and lick her pussy while He watched. It made me so hot to know He was watching me and I know Amy enjoyed it too. Then I felt Sir's cock thrust inside me from behind. I almost came. It was too much to hope for.

Then Amy surprised me. She grabbed my hair again and pulled my face out of her pussy. I moaned and tried to lick her more, but she held me tight while she watched Sir fuck me. I could tell that He liked to see her take control of me like that and He fucked me even harder. After that she never let go of my hair. She used it to shove my face tight into her or hold me so that I was just barely out of reach of her wet pussy. It was amazing and maddening. I'm not sure how, but it worked out that Amy got really close then pulled me away. I could tell Sir was getting really close to cumming too. Right before He came in me, Amy pulled me into her wet pussy again and fucked my face in earnest. It was the most amazing experience of my life. Both of them came at the same time and used me like a toy to do it.

After a moment to catch our breaths we got dressed again. We both thanked Amy for a wonderful evening. I could tell everyone enjoyed themselves immensely. I know I loved being used by two people. It was a great threesome and a great visit to Texas.

More on "Secretary"

After seeing the movie Secretary I wondered what about it was most memorable, most eye and mind catching. Many scenes caught hold in my brain, but what surprised me most was that the scene that stuck with me the most was not overtly sexual or even that sexy at all.

The part that stayed with me has the main character sitting at a desk where she has been ordered not to move her hands or feet until he returns. Someone asks her in a nervous whisper "Is this some kind of sex thing?" She gives a wry chuckle and replies "Does it look like a sex thing?"

I loved that. Mostly just because for her D/s wasn't a "sex thing" it was much more. For me sex has little to do with our D/s. Yes sometimes being tied up and flogged will lead to sex, but not always and sex isn't the objective. The beatings, the chores, even being tied to the desk and made to be a cup holder for hours, all of it is so much more than sex could be for me. It means so much more to me.

When I was younger I knew there was something in me. I was told by my family that there was something wrong about me. They sensed it even though none of them knew what it was. I didn't even know. Whatever it was, it frightened them. Looking back I think they were just frightened by something they could sense but not name. A carnal fear of the unknown. As I grew up I tried to pretend I was happy being "normal", but it didn't matter. The other children hated me. Their parents kept them away from me. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't hide that I was different. To me it felt that there was a hole deep inside. Nothing I did could fill it.

In high school everyone just left me alone. I did well in school, was involved in theater and volunteer projects, and in the end none of that mattered either. The adults in charge could still feel that I was different. I was never picked to be in charge of any committees or productions. I was never congratulated for doing well in anything. I was in short, passed over. I was an outsider on the inside. No matter how hard I worked or how much I tried, I was always looked at then passed over in favor of people who didn't.

This all sounds rather ridiculous when I read over it, but its very true. It didn't even really hurt by then. By the time I got to high school I was exhausted with trying to fit in. I still kept up my facade, but underneath I was just as empty and unfulfilled as ever. So I tried to fill it. I've already written here about my juvenile self-hurting days. In high school I continued to hurt myself, but it wasn't enough anymore. So I started trying other ways to fill the void. I drank alot and had more one night stands then should be possible at that age. The remarkable thing to me now is that no one knew. My best and only real friend in school knew because I told him, but even he had trouble believing me. It just wasn't part of my projected persona.

When I did finally settle on someone to date I got into a relationship I knew was doomed from the beginning. She was a year older than me and like me she had had a horrible childhood. I think I fell for her because we were both damaged in our own way. We were together for two years before I finally drove her away. I am surprised looking back that it took her so long to get fed up and leave me. When being with her didn't fill the hole, I started doing things to hurt her. Her pain didn't fill me either. I was more lost and alone after she left then I had been before. My mother knew something was wrong and tried to "snap me out of it". I snapped all right. Near the end of my senior year I had a break down and tried to slit my wrists. My mother came home early and found me. Her words in that instant will define her character for you, "Why would you do this to me?" I didn't speak to her for days.

Then two years ago I met Sir. I was still hurting and empty then. I don't know any better way to describe Him, other than He fills me. He fills up that empty void inside me. Don't think that it was some love at first sight, He fixed me bullshit. In real life that doesn't happen. That void that has been in me all my life is still there. I can still feel it. It will probably never go away. But my Sir fills it. Every command, every lash, and every kiss fills that void more completely than I ever hoped it could be filled. And this is why I am grateful to Him. It is not why I love Him.

I ask myself now why I wrote all this. I think that this story is like poison that has been sitting in me for a long time and in telling it, I am drawing the poison away from myself. Not really drawing it out of me because it is a part of me, but drawing it away from my heart so that it can't destroy me. Writing to an audience that may or may not exist or care is the best way I know how to do this. I should just keep this for myself, but there is a feeling of freedom in publishing it, even if it will never be read. And freedom to me is a wonderful feeling, especially when freedom comes with chains.

Movie Night

Tonight was movie night in our house. We love to rent movies to watch together on random days during the week. Movie night isn't any night in particular, just a random week night that we have time to watch something together. The selection for today was Secretary.

Now I had never seen it, but I had heard it was good from some of my friends. Sir doesn't usually like romances, but I convinced Him to at least watch the first part with me. Wow am I glad I did!

For those of you who have never seen the movie, it is about a young woman who is released from an institution for self-mutilation. She gets a job as a secretary for a lawyer who is very controlling. They begin an BDSM relationship. I'm not going to say any more. If you're curious then I suggest watching it. It is a great drama/romance movie. The plot is very easy to follow and the acting is amazingly accurate and touching. Sir actually watched it all with me and enjoyed it. I'm just surprised I finally found a movie we can watch that isn't a horror or action flick. :P

Masochistic

Ok I haven't posted in awhile because there wasn't anything to post about. We haven't been going anywhere or doing anything.

I've noticed in my life that when I am really upset with myself that I want to be hurt. Whenever I feel stupid or ugly or inadequate, pain and punishment make it better somehow. Maybe its because I feel I deserve it, but what matters isn't the reason, its the result. When I am depressed like that, the pain makes it go away. All of the disappointment and self-loathing just doesn't matter anymore.

When I was younger I would "fix" myself by cutting or hitting myself. It always made me ashamed and I hid it from everyone. When I got older I would pick fights with my lovers and goad them in to smacking or fighting me. I always felt bad about it. I hated using them like that. It wasn't fair and in the end it didn't help, it just made me feel worse about myself after the initial adrenaline wore off.

Then I met Sir. When we met He wasn't even aware that BDSM existed. He had always been a very disciplined man and was usually a very easygoing person. When I first told Him about BDSM and what I wanted, He wasn't sure whether He could do it. In His mind He wouldn't be able to do anything to hurt me because He loved me. Since then He has realized that causing me pain is what I need and love. Just because He flogs me, it doesn't mean He doesn't love me. To the contrary, I think it means He loves me more because its not in His nature.

To get back to the point, I have never thought of myself as a masochist. Normally I'm quite the wuss when it comes to pain. A stubbed toe can bring me to tears. But under the right circumstances I have realized that I love to receive pain. It focuses me, makes me feel like a more whole and centered person. I would not call myself a "pain-slut" though. I do not really get sexual pleasure from the pain. Instead it is more like a mental euphoria. I feel more free when I am bound and beaten then I do when I am not. I can't explain the feelings so I won't try. All I know is that I love my Sir and the wicked, painful, and wholly wonderful things He does to my body.

Last night was one of those nights. I was angry at myself and wasn't even sure why. I had been feeling inadequate for several days. So I asked if He would please punish me. I don't usually have to ask, but since I had done nothing wrong He wasn't aware that I was in need of it. He ordered me to strip, lay face-down on the bed, and stay silent. Then He left the room. He didn't come back for several minutes. I was very frustrated at that point, which I guess was what His point was.

Lesson 1: Just because He had agreed to punish me when I asked doesn't mean He is going to do it until He has time.

I didn't even hear Him come back. One minute I was grumbling to myself into the mattress, the next biting said mattress as His belt came crashing down on my thighs. I was surprised and I yelped.

Lesson 2: stay quiet when ordered.

He then send a barrage of hits over my ass and thighs. This time I stayed silent. He moved His strokes up my back, then back down to my thighs. Every hit was a hot tingle of pain and ecstasy as it burned through my skin. Afterward He undressed and lay down beside me. I thanked Him and rolled onto my back. I didn't even wince when the flannel sheets rubbed my raw backside. He lay on top of me, holding me and kissing my face. He tucked my face into his shoulder and slid Himself inside me. We made love then He had me take a shower while He was on the computer. The night went on as most nights go. Everything was back the way it was before my spat of self-hatred. I went to the store and got groceries for the week. Then we ate and watched t.v.

Lesson 3: even though we are kinky we are still normal people living a normal life.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Music To Scene To

Sir and I have very similar music tastes. When we first started dating, we started sharing music. He has introduced me to some of my favorite bands and vice versa. One of my favorite new finds is Lords of Acid. I love their over the top lyrics and the music is just so fun and raw. Plus I love female singers.

I decided to share this because with Club Paradox opening, I have been thinking alot about music that is good for scenes. (They are taking suggestions for the playlist.) Alot of LoA is very sexual and is very BDSM focused. This makes it great for playing and scening.

Some of my favorite LoA tracks are:
1. I Sit on Acid
2. Spank My Booty
3. You Belong To Me
4. Pussy
5. Lover
6. The Power is Mine
7. Concerto for Me and Myself
8. Rough Sex

I suggest that anyone into industrial music or anyone looking for some good raunchy songs check out LoA. Especially The Power is Mine or You Belong to Me. They are the more serious of the songs I listed. The others are more fun and dirty than seriously BDSM themed. All the songs are on their album "Our Little Secret" except for I Sit on Acid and Rough Sex, which are on "Lust".

Paradox!

Sir and I went to Paradox tonight. It was amazing. Everyone was so friendly and helpful. We both felt so relaxed and at home. I can't wait until the next munch. It will just be a small meeting before the big opening of Club Paradox. It is a BDSM only club that is open just for the local community. It is going to be so amazing. Well I'm sleepy, so I guess thats all!

New Toy!

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Catch Up

Ok I know I've been bad. I've been neglecting to post. *slaps hand* Bad girl. Anyway, so I went to the Munch Saturday. I am sooooo glad I did! It was so much fun. I got to meet so many new people. I don't remember all the names, but in my defense I was a little overwhelmed. I hope no one gets offended. I fully plan on going to the next one on Friday and the Early Bloomers Munch for 18-35 year olds on Saturday afternoon. I think my husband might go with me, but I'm not sure. He still isn't really comfortable with it yet.

For me, finding others into BDSM was an epiphany. I felt like I found a place to meet others and feel less alone. For my husband it isn't. He is still uncomfortable with the lifestyle and his feelings about being Dominated. I am hoping to help him be more comfortable with it and accept it. Its just hard because he spent most of his life pretending he didn't need anything or anyone. It makes it hard for him to open up to others and be himself. Little by little he is getting more comfortable and suprises me daily. I can't help but be proud of him.

Switch

I've always known that I can act dominant. I have always acted decisive and confident in my everyday life. But I have always considered myself a submissive person. If I was ever confronted by someone who was a dominant person, my first reaction was to back down and become docile. Even though I didn't always, I still always wanted to submit to anyone who seemed to be truly dominant.

I think this is one reason I felt so awkward when my husband tried to Dom for me when I told him what I wanted. He isn't a Dom. He is a dominant person to the outside world, but it felt so uncomfortable to have him be my Dom. I just didn't feel that need to submit that I feel with others. I guess this was my first clue that he wasn't a dominant at all.

Last night I brought it up with him. We usually don't talk about "my kink" much anymore. I think it makes him feel inadequate because he can't Dom me. Anyway, I told him of my suspicions. He admitted that his best orgasms happened when I was mocking or belittling him, or acting like I'm bored or he isn't turning me on.

So I Dommed him. I actually started to enjoy it. It was nice to see my straight macho husband begging me to let him cum like a little bitch while I fucked his ass. I didn't go easy on him, but he just begged me for more anyway. It was good to work out some of my frustrations on him. It wasn't good in the same way that being Dom(med) but it was good in another way.

I never really considered myself a switch before. Maybe now I will have to reconsider that. I never thought I would enjoy Domming, but I think that with him I really do. I have always said that people should try everything once...maybe in this case I will have to try it again! Too bad this still doesn't solve my problems with what I want in a relationship.

Lunch Anyone?

I have a lunch meeting on Wednesday with my Munch Buddy Lori. I'm excited and nervous. I hope we get along. It should be fun.

Munch Buddies

Ok so I have decided to go to my first munch. Its not until the first of November so I've got plenty of time to chicken out, but I won't. I'm ready to be brave for once. The munch near here has an excellent program for newbies. Its called Munch Buddies. Before a newbie goes to their first munch, they can go the the munch website and request a Munch Buddy. The Buddy is always an existing and active member of the munch. They are as close to the person's age and preferences as is possible. My Buddy is named Lori. She is also a little girl submissive. I'm so excited to get to know her. I can't wait until the first!

A Community Affair

Lately I've been pretty lonely. I've been wanting someone to talk to who knows and understands my submissive self. I just want a friend to talk to about how I am feeling since Daddy and I split and I moved back in with my husband. I feel like I am so alone. I can't talk to my husband about it obviously, he cringes whenever I even mention it. To him, those two months when I was moved out never happened. This makes it hard for me. I don't have any friends at all where we live and I don't know anyone in the "lifestyle" except my Aunts, but I want to talk to a friend my age, not a relative. I know this is picky and probably whiny, but I seriously need an outlet to be childish sometimes.

Enter munches. I have known about munches for awhile now, but could never find one nearby. Well I finally found one. Its a half hour drive, but its well worth it to me. I really want to go just to meet people and find a friend, or at least be around others like me. I just don't know what my husband will think about it. He doesn't really like the idea of me meeting groups of people without him, but I could never ask him to go. He is very uncomfortable with the BDSM scene in general. Its just not his thing. I know he is afraid I will "hook up" with someone, but as I understand it that isn't what munches are for. Its more like AA. Its a meeting for people into BDSM, not a singles bar. I just want to feel like I'm not so alone. I just don't know if he will like it, but I feel like if I don't go I will go crazy. Maybe I will work up the courage to talk to him about it, I just hope it won't hurt our relationship.

Literature

I am, and always have been, in love with books. I taught myself to read before I was 4 and have not stopped reading since. I love to read almost anything. Words are like water for my mind and my soul. Nothing else I do strictly for myself nourishes me like reading. However, I have always had little patience for "romance" novels. I have tried to read these several times, but could never find myself interested enough to keep reading after the first dozen pages. To me the people and situations are too unrealistic and poorly thought out. Besides, why read about some one's ideal vanilla love life, when I am living one that is so much better for real.

This is not to say that I don't read erotica. I love a good story as long as its well written. Daddy frequently sends me stories He has found when I have been good. But all of the stories I read have a degree of kink to them. For me, "normal" sex is boring to read about. It can be fun and enjoyable in practice, but if I want a fantasy, its not going to be that. The problem I have encountered however, is not finding kinky erotic stories, the problem is finding kinky erotic books.The town where I am currently living has no adult bookstores, in fact the closest one is quite a drive. Most of the adult stores nearby only sell toys and peepshows. The closest regular bookstore is a half-hour drive, and they won't carry anything that would interest me. (i.e. anything with BDSM content).

Ordinarily things like this don't bother me. I have a plethora of online erotica to choose from. However, to me nothing compares to a tangible book in my hand. I love the feel of smooth pages turning between my fingers, the smell of new paper and glue, the ability to pick it up off the shelf and peruse its content at any time, and yes, even the ache in my hands from holding it for hours on end. I love it all.

Enter Aunt S. She saved me from the delusion that no tangible erotica of the BDSM variety exists. I was starting to wonder if anyone published it at all. After we were done cleaning the bedroom closet Sunday, she handed me a book entitled The Marketplace. This book and the series it belongs to, is the reason my posts have been short and seldom for the last few days. I couldn't put it down. I suggest anyone that is interested in an actual cohesive, well written plot, pick this up. It is not like normal fantasy BDSM erotica. It deals with the training of slaves in a professional and realistic fashion. The mood of the story changes rapidly depending on the situations described and really give the reader a true feel for the characters.

I won't talk too much and ruin it for anyone who hasn't read it. Suffice to say, I enjoyed the first one very much and look forward to starting the second as soon as I post this. Thanks again Auntie!

Collared

I've noticed that in many D/s relationships ( especially the Master/slave relationship) collaring plays a big role. The Master or Dominant will present Their submissive with a collar as a symbol of their status as the sub in the relationship. Most of the Masters will actually use it as a symbol of Their slaves ownership. My thought is why can't it be more than that?

To me being collared by Daddy does not mean He owns me, rather that I have given myself to Him. To me there is a big difference. Daddy has told me many times before that just because I have given myself over to Him, I am not property. He does not own me and wouldn't want to. He loves me and just because I have given Him complete control of my life, doesn't mean that He wants me to be His slave. That is not the kind of relationship we have. I know that it is right for some people, but not for us.

I love Daddy and when I am collared I will show it off with pride. To me it is a symbol of my commitment to Him and our relationship. When He places it around my neck, I will never take it off. Only He can do that, and I know He wouldn't do that unless absolutely necessary for our safety and/or comfort. A married woman would not remove her wedding ring to go into public, just like I would not remove my collar. To me it would be more embarrassing to be without it, than it would be to wear it. It shows the outside world that I am proud of being my Daddy's girl and I would never hide that.

Support is a Wonderful Thing

I have never had a good relationship with most of my family. My parents were divorced when I was very young and my mother and I never really got along. The only family I ever really had to rely on were my aunts. Whenever I had a problem or needed to talk and take a break from my mother, they were always there to help me with advice and a comfy couch.

I knew when I started my relationship with Daddy that I would never be able to explain it to my mother. She is very closed minded to anything "abnormal" and could never understand my happiness. However, it is days like today that I am so thankful that I have my aunts. They are themselves involved in a D/s relationship and were the first to support me and calm my concerns when I first came to them about my interest in BDSM. Then today I told them about my relationship with Daddy and what it meant to me. They were happy for us, if a little skeptical about the safety of our relationship since Daddy and I live so far away from each other.

I was so proud and happy also when Daddy called to speak to my aunts, even though they hadn't known about the specifics of our relationship and hadn't ever spoken directly to Him. I was so relieved when they all got along great. Daddy is wonderful at putting people at ease when He meets them. He is so sweet and honest and people can always tell He is a good person. He was completely honest with both of my aunts and even convinced them to give me a good spanking for Him!

I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I cherish the love and support of my aunts so much. And of course I would be nowhere without Daddy, the love of my life, my soul mate. He is the only person on earth I can truly be myself with all the time without any worries or embarrassment. I am so grateful for His love and understanding.