Tuesday, September 30, 2008
This is not to say that I don't read erotica. I love a good story as long as its well written. Daddy frequently sends me stories He has found when I have been good. But all of the stories I read have a degree of kink to them. For me, "normal" sex is boring to read about. It can be fun and enjoyable in practice, but if I want a fantasy, its not going to be that. The problem I have encountered however, is not finding kinky erotic stories, the problem is finding kinky erotic books.The town where I am currently living has no adult bookstores, in fact the closest one is quite a drive. Most of the adult stores nearby only sell toys and peepshows. The closest regular bookstore is a half-hour drive, and they won't carry anything that would interest me. (i.e. anything with BDSM content).
Ordinarily things like this don't bother me. I have a plethora of online erotica to choose from. However, to me nothing compares to a tangible book in my hand. I love the feel of smooth pages turning between my fingers, the smell of new paper and glue, the ability to pick it up off the shelf and peruse its content at any time, and yes, even the ache in my hands from holding it for hours on end. I love it all.
Enter Aunt S. She saved me from the delusion that no tangible erotica of the BDSM variety exists. I was starting to wonder if anyone published it at all. After we were done cleaning the bedroom closet Sunday, she handed me a book entitled The Marketplace. This book and the series it belongs to, is the reason my posts have been short and seldom for the last few days. I couldn't put it down. I suggest anyone that is interested in an actual cohesive, well written plot, pick this up. It is not like normal fantasy BDSM erotica. It deals with the training of slaves in a professional and realistic fashion. The mood of the story changes rapidly depending on the situations described and really give the reader a true feel for the characters.
I won't talk too much and ruin it for anyone who hasn't read it. Suffice to say, I enjoyed the first one very much and look forward to starting the second as soon as I post this. Thanks again Auntie!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
I think I love the feeling I get from cleaning. It makes me feel productive and useful. I need to feel that I am doing something that shows my submissive nature, while not being being obvious to anyone who doesn't know me that well. I need to feel obedient. I love the feeling I get when someone tells me what to do and I acquiesce without protest. For me cleaning is tangible proof of my love and submission. It is such a rush for me. I love cleaning days, and I can't wait until it is Daddy's house I am scrubbing.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Today I sat at 6:50, phone in hand, waiting for His call. So I waited....and waited....and waited... By the time 7:15 came around, I was worried. He has never neglected to call me. By the time 7:30 arrived, I was very worried. I started to go through everything I had done in the last few days, anything that could have made Him mad. I was worried that I had done something to make Him want to punish me like that because He knows that the worse punishment is the absence of Him in my life.
I couldn't think of anything I had done to warrant such a punishment. Immediately after this train of thought derailed, panic swept through me. I started to think of anything that could have happened to Him. Car accident, building collapse, random psycho with a grudge against the person next to Him and horrible aim, in short everything that could have gone wrong.
By 8:30 I was beside myself. I had not had a panic attack for awhile, but I started to feel one closing in on me. To distract myself and the impending whirlwind of panic swirling around my brain I decided to scrub the bathroom with a fury. So I began to scrub on my hands and knees until my knuckles were raw, panic flooding me the whole time.
After awhile, Aunt D called me into her room to run an errand for her. I grabbed my keys and went to the store, still full of fear for Him. When I got back I sat down to try to calm myself before tackling the bathroom again. As I stood to return to my panic chores, my phone rang. I saw the caller I.D. read His number. With relief, I grabbed up my phone and answered. He could tell I was upset and we talked about what had happened.
My cell phone has bad reception here, so I guess that when He called me after work the first time, my phone just didn't ring. He assumed I was busy or that I didn't have reception (which was logical, since I have had phone problems for awhile now. go figure that I wouldn't think of it).
So long story short, the panic crisis was averted. He called me, and I am feeling fine now. I am somewhat ashamed at my reaction, but reassured too. I love that He is that important to me and that He is the stabilizing force in my everyday life, even if He can't be here right now.
However, I will let that go for a moment to concentrate on that site this post is about. I will re-post his touching words for you, make of them what you will. I will also include the address for his page so you can feel free to check it out. If he happens to read this and want me to take it down, I will gladly and immediately oblige. That being said, enjoy.
People ask, What is a Daddy Dom. Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dominant. His choice is to be a Daddy Dom, this does not mean incest (as has been said in the past by ignorant people) rather a Daddy Dom is One who cares for, nurtures, shapes, and molds his babygirl into the image He thinks she should become. He sees in her someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He often times believes more in her, than she believes in herself.
His love for his babygirl goes without question. He loves her as much for who she is, as for what she will become with His guidance. she is ...... His prized possession. a Daddy's eyes will light up when she comes into a room and take great pride in her success's. Afterall, He helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of His heart and has greatest power to hurt Him.
This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his lilgirl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to Him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given Him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to Him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with Him.
He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, His discipline is more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the lilgirl to really trust, she must know He means what He says. If His lilgirl is going to be the best she can possibly be He must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and His knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.
If He does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If His submissive finds that she can manipulate Him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.
This takes great strength on His part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to His needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all He wants to do is hold her safe in His arms. And it takes strength to do what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.
A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to His submissive...acceptance. She is safe in His arms because He knows her, everything about her, and He still loves her. When she goes to Him she knows that this Man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To Him she is and always will be beautiful.
A Daddy Dom and a Sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many lilgirls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.
I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of Male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/lilgirl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.Perhaps a Daddy Dom is something only a lilgirl can understand.
The address for the page is: http://www.daddy-denial.com/2.html.
I think this passage effects me so much because it reminds me of Daddy. He is everything here to me and more. He is not just a Dominant, but a nurturer, provider, lover, and so much more. I hope one day to live up to His expectations for me and become the person He believes I am and could be.
To solve this problem, one of my aunts thought that she could train me properly, until Daddy could get here to take over for her. As I have written before, my aunts are also involved in a D/s relationship, although not full time. For the sake of clarity I am going to refer to my Dominant aunt as Aunt D, and my submissive aunt as Aunt S. Aunt D wanted to retrain Aunt S anyway since she was out of practice and a little unruly at times. I think it will be wonderful having my aunties showing me how to be better for Daddy. This way I will have the guidance of two experienced people who I love and trust.
I called Daddy to ask how He would feel about the arrangement. He agreed that it might be better to have an experienced Dom train me so that I wasn't out of practice and spoiled when He got here. With a small bit of reluctance, He gave consent for Aunt D to give me some generic subbie training. I am not sure how it will be since Daddy and Aunt D are very different in their styles and preferences. Also with Aunt D there will obviously not be a sexual nature to what she is going to teach me. However, regardless of the nature of the tasks, orders are orders.
This should be an interesting month for sure.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Daddy should be coming up for a visit in October. I can't wait. I am so excited, but also scared. I worry so much about whether everything will go ok. He has never met my aunts. Their approval means alot to both of us. They are the only family I really have and I don't want to alienate them by running off with someone they don't like or trust. They don't deserve that, especially after they have been so good to me.
Hopefully, when Daddy comes to visit, I can go back with Him. He is planning to stay two full days here with me and my aunts. I want to go back with Him and stay for a couple weeks, before I have to come back for my things. By then I'm sure everything will be worked out. I just can't wait until He has the time to come up here. I want to see Him so badly.
I am so exhausted. The last few days were so stressful. I told my aunts about Daddy and me, made plans for Daddy's visit, and moved out of my old house. Today I have a job interview too. Since when was I so busy? Oh well, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be able to be with Daddy.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
To me being collared by Daddy does not mean He owns me, rather that I have given myself to Him. To me there is a big difference. Daddy has told me many times before that just because I have given myself over to Him, I am not property. He does not own me and wouldn't want to. He loves me and just because I have given Him complete control of my life, doesn't mean that He wants me to be His slave. That is not the kind of relationship we have. I know that it is right for some people, but not for us.
I love Daddy and when I am collared I will show it off with pride. To me it is a symbol of my commitment to Him and our relationship. When He places it around my neck, I will never take it off. Only He can do that, and I know He wouldn't do that unless absolutely necessary for our safety and/or comfort. A married woman would not remove her wedding ring to go into public, just like I would not remove my collar. To me it would be more embarrassing to be without it, than it would be to wear it. It shows the outside world that I am proud of being my Daddy's girl and I would never hide that.
I knew when I started my relationship with Daddy that I would never be able to explain it to my mother. She is very closed minded to anything "abnormal" and could never understand my happiness. However, it is days like today that I am so thankful that I have my aunts. They are themselves involved in a D/s relationship and were the first to support me and calm my concerns when I first came to them about my interest in BDSM. Then today I told them about my relationship with Daddy and what it meant to me. They were happy for us, if a little skeptical about the safety of our relationship since Daddy and I live so far away from each other.
I was so proud and happy also when Daddy called to speak to my aunts, even though they hadn't known about the specifics of our relationship and hadn't ever spoken directly to Him. I was so relieved when they all got along great. Daddy is wonderful at putting people at ease when He meets them. He is so sweet and honest and people can always tell He is a good person. He was completely honest with both of my aunts and even convinced them to give me a good spanking for Him!
I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. I cherish the love and support of my aunts so much. And of course I would be nowhere without Daddy, the love of my life, my soul mate. He is the only person on earth I can truly be myself with all the time without any worries or embarrassment. I am so grateful for His love and understanding.
I have never wanted to engage in incestuous relationships with anyone, especially not my father. The relationship between Daddy and I is not about the words we label each other, but the love and respect we mutually share. The word daddy brings with it feelings of security, trust, and unconditional love. Daddy is a nurturer by nature and loves to guide me and make me the best possible person I can be. He is gentle and loving, but can be stern and unyielding when it is in my best interest. He is strict, but only because He truly loves me and cares for my well-being. In return for His unconditional love and guidance, I offer Him complete obedience and respect. I respect Him for who He is and what He is doing for me. I trust Him completely and am completely honest and open in all things. Without this trust and respect, what we have is not possible. He recognizes my feelings for Him as the valuable gift they are and loves me for the trust and adoration I place in Him.
I trust Daddy more than anyone in my life. I always trust His judgement, and His decisions always override mine. I know that I cannot always make the best decisions for myself, and if our opinions differ, I always take His advice and instructions. He has never misled me yet. Yes, I realize Daddy is a person and can make mistakes, but I know that any decision He makes will be for my own good, and if it is wrong then it is through no fault of His. He would never try to do anything to jeopardize my safety, trust, or general well-being.
Although there is a gap in our ages, it is not any wider than one found in a "normal" relationship, and honestly not as wide as some. This age gap has absolutely no bearing on our relationship. It doesn't affect us anymore than in other relationships where one person is slightly older than the other. I hate that people not only misconstrue the nature of our relationship, but try to twist it into a sick perversion. Even some people familiar with the BDSM lifestyle have been confused and replused by what I am and my relationship with Daddy. Personally I think its all about understanding. If only there was more of that going on in the world, I think it would be a much better place for all of us. I guess I'll just keep dreaming.
To compensate for being so far apart for so long, Daddy and I are on the phone about 10 hours a day. And no matter how busy He is, He always calls when He is ready for me to sleep. I haven't gone a night without Him putting me to sleep in what feels like ages. I'm actually not able to sleep anymore, unless we go through our nightly ritual.
I have never really been a sound or heavy sleeper. To top it off, I also have night terrors and sometimes scream myself awake. And after I had woken up, I could never get back to sleep, and as a result, I would sometimes go weeks without more than a couple hours of sleep. I've always had this problem and can't remember a time this did not contribute to the reason I was undesirable to anyone before Daddy. However, needless to say, He is different. Not only does He not mind my restless slumber, He always just calms me and puts me back to sleep. He is so kind and understanding and a million other wonderful things. I am so unspeakably grateful for this and so many other things.
Now that we are apart, Daddy has a rule: if I wake up for any reason after He has put me to bed, I am to call Him immediately and He will put me back to sleep. I was nervous at first because this meant that I would be waking Him, sometimes after only an hour or two of sleep. I didn't want to disobey, but I balked at the thought of waking Him. I knew His sleep was much more important than mine. So the first night, I sat and fought with myself. Finally after about an hour of indecision, my will to obey won out over my unwillingness to wake Him. He was very upset when I told Him I had been awake for a long time. He put me to sleep, soothing me in a way only His voice can. The next morning, I was punished for waiting so long to call. Now on nights like tonight, when I am once again awake after only mere hours, I call first. He gave me permission to type this up before going to sleep again this morning, but its starting to get later every second and listening to His voice is working its magic on me. I can feel myself going to sleep when I wasn't even tired before I called. He truly is the best Daddy to me and I am so grateful to Him for loving me like He does.
Monday, September 22, 2008
But before you can be honest with anyone, you have to be honest with yourself. I suggest making lists. It is the easiest way to find out what, in your heart of hearts, you need and want. Do research on the lifestyles and options, talk to other people that are living the lifestyle (online or off), and just find out what it is that turns you on! Its the best and safest way to connect with yourself and others.
Secondly, when you do decide what it is you need and desire for yourself, think about everything you need from your ideal partner. Think about what it is about your past relationships that worked and what didn't.
And finally, the hardest step, finding the person that is right for you. This is the hardest step. I know from experience that it is just not possible until you have done the first two. Once again, if you aren't honest with yourself about what you want and need, how do you expect to find it? This is also the step that is most tempting to "cheat" on. Most people are willing to ignore what they have already learned about themselves in order to settle on something they believe to be more easily obtained. Once again, I've been here too. It is so tempting when you find someone you believe to be perfect, but can't indulge in what you truly need in a relationship, to just settle anyway. Trust me, this causes more problems than it will ever solve.
Daddy and I had this problem at the first. I had already decided before I met Him that I wasn't going to settle ever again. So when I realized I was in love with Him, I balked. At the time I had no idea that He was into D/s or any type of BDSM. I never dreamed that my kind, understanding, wonderful boyfriend would be willing and eager to also be my Daddy. I realize that I am incredibly lucky. If He had not seen who I was inside, we probably would have eventually broken up because I wouldn't let myself be with someone who didn't or couldn't fulfill my needs. I also realize now how incredibly rare it is for two strangers who outwardly don't seek a specifically BDSM relationship to meet and fall in love without recognizing how right they are for each other. I wasn't actively looking for a Master or a Daddy or a Dom when I met Him and He wasn't actively looking for a submissive of any type. We just got lucky. Its rare, and it is alot more common to meet someone who is actively looking for a Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, or any other type of BDSM relationship.
My only real advice for anyone looking for this kind of relationship is to be honest, know what you want, and be safe. There are so many people out there, and only one may be right for you. Finding that one may be difficult and trying, but if you refuse to settle and succeed, the rewards are never ending and fully satisfying.
Ever since I can remember I have always been interested in "alternative" lifestyles. I discovered as a young teenager I was a bisexual. My early relationships didn't last long because I always felt that I was missing something. I always seemed to drive both men and women away with my "unusual" ideas regarding sex and relationship structure. I took my concerns to my aunt who had lived happily with her wife for several years. I trusted both my aunts and had gone to them before for advice. They listened as I told them my concerns and instead of dismissing me, they introduced me to the world of BDSM which they had been involved with personally and through friends over the years. I was relieved when they told me what they knew convinced me I wasn't a freak for what I liked. I continued to do research on my own and began to discover discretely what I liked and didn't like about the different types of BDSM. Now that I knew what I really did want I began to search for a suitable partner. I have always known I was a submissive since I first learned the distinctions between the different roles in BDSM relationships. However, I never found anyone that was right for me.
Then several months ago, I met Daddy. I had always longed for a Daddy/little girl relationship, even before I knew anything about BDSM relationships or that other people felt the way I did. I knew I was in love with Him, but I was worried that He, like so many others, wouldn't accept who I was. I thought that no matter how much I loved Him, that we were doomed to fail. Then one day, after several months of dating, we were having phone sex, as we often did, and I heard Him say the words I had only heard in my wildest dreams. He clearly said to me "Cum for Daddy baby!" I was in shock. "How did He know?" I asked myself. I had been careful not to mention anything about it. I knew He could be kinky from our previous encounters, but I never imagined anything like this. I questioned Him later about it. He said He just felt that it was right. He knew me better and more completely than ever suspected anyone could. Come to find out, He had been looking for someone like me for a long time.
After my initial shock wore off, I asked Him what He wanted to do about it. He invited me to come live with Him so He could be my Daddy full time. I thought I had died and gone to heaven, I really did. It seemed too good to be true. And honestly it still does. I only wish I could have met Him sooner. He makes me feel so complete and I know He feels the same.
Ok enough with the trip down memory lane. As much as I love talking about my wonderful Daddy, this blog is for more than just fond memories. I plan on addressing common misconceptions about Daddy/girl relationships in my next post. I will probably cover many other topics as well as giving insights into my life with Daddy. If anyone has any questions or topic suggestions, feel free to comment and I will try to get back to you in a timely manner.