Wednesday, July 27, 2011

More the Merrier

Sunday was a very interesting day. I was off work so I spent it shopping and showing my new friend "Mary" around town. She and her husband, "John", are going to be moving closer soon. Since I have lived here most of my life I brought her along to show her the sights. After John got off work we all three came to my place. I already knew that they were a Dom/sub couple. Experiencing and participating in a play session with them was a new fun experience.

I have never had the opportunity to "team up" with another Dominant before and I have to say I love it. It was wonderful. Mary is a real pain slut. I've never had the pleasure of getting to play with anyone who actually gets off on the pain before. She also came to the conclusion that she was bisexual and both of them are eager to explore this side of her. I am only too happy to help :)

Anyway it seems that every Sunday will be our play day. Bear is going to try to get off work on Sundays so he can join in on the fun as well. I really hope that things will continue to go smoothly. So far they both seem to be fine with things and eager to continue to push all of our boundaries. I am actually touched that they have invited me to join in on this exciting journey with them. I enjoy getting to play the role of teacher for some things and in turn learn new skills to add to my repertoire.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Outdoor Fun

This past weekend the weather was spectacular. And being the arrogant exhibitionist I am I decided that Bear and I would play outside for the first time. He was nervous at first (I have neighbors but there is adequate foliage to block any peeping), but I know him well enough to know that the risk is what makes it exciting for him. He followed me out to the back deck and helped me remove the porch swing from its anchor frame.

I had him strip off his shirt and hold his wrists out so I could bind them together with white silk rope then I secured them over his head to the swing frame. I used my scarf to blindfold him then opened his mouth and put in the gag. I took up my blue suede flogger and started slow. I seldom beat Bear because we are both much more into mental domination. I love it when we do play hard though, mostly because I know he doesn't enjoy the pain alone. He submits and offers his body to me, not for his pleasure, but for mine. It is very touching and it makes me so proud of him. This also means he is vocal when we play and he squirms, which only gives me an excuse to torment him more. It is a wonderful, wicked game that we both enjoy on occasion.

Afterward, I admired the butterfly pattern my strikes marked on his back. I moved closer until I was standing in front of his blindfolded eyes and placed my hands on either side of his face. I spoke to him gently and removed his gag. I could tell he was fine and untied his hands and removed his blindfold. I rubbed his wrists to make sure his blood was circulating and handed him a drink. It was a very enjoyable day outside. :D

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Things To Love... (Pt. 4)

5. His taste in music: It is wonderful that we have such a great musical relationship. Thats not to say that we always agree on every band (No Doubt), or that we are both in the mood for the same thing at the same time (which we rarely are). But we both do have many musical styles and bands in common that we do agree on (60s girl bands rock). Also it is fun to introduce him to new bands (Combichrist, which he loves) and to learn about new bands I had never heard before (Pixies, amazing!). I enjoy sharing and a certain closeness that comes from experiencing something so personal and touching with someone for the the first time.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Kinky Catch Up

I have noticed that other than touting the many wonderful things about my boy I really haven't written anything for months. So I have decided that it is quick update time.

First of all I have been trying to improve my rope skills for my boy. He loves bondage and decorative rope work so I have been learning new knots and experimenting with new designs. Last nite I used white silk rope to make a chest harness and interlocking corset on Bear. It actually looked good and I was bummed I didn't have a camera for documentation. I will have to get my hands on one soon.

Also I have always been curious about lactation and adult nursing. Recently my boy confided that he also had always wanted to try it. So we have been doing research on how to induce lactation even though I have never been pregnant. We have been using the Marmet Technique as well as suckling. So far it seems to be working. No milk yet, but my breasts and nipples are swelling and slightly sore. This is supposed to be normal. I am also considering taking herbs to naturally stimulate as well. Even if I don't have any milk yet, I still enjoy trying very much. Hopefully we will be able to get positive results soon. From the information I have found, it is also helpful that I am on birth control that hormonally simulates pregnancy. This should make it much easier.

My boy is also discovering he can handle much more pain than he thought. We have been experimenting with his pain tolerance to see not only how much punishment he can comfortably take, but also what types of things he prefers. He seems to enjoy the same types of toys I do, floggers and other impact play objects. Also like me, he dislikes stinging toys like canes. He is also able to play quite often. We have been having at least one play session every two or three days instead of once or twice a month. I am extremely proud of him and I can't even begin to describe how much I have really come to love and appreciate him these last few months especially.

I think thats enough for now. Hopefully everything will continue to improve. My vanilla life isn't going nearly as well, but I am still holding out hope for that to improve as well.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Things To Love... (Pt. 3)

4. His stubbornness: Usually this is considered a negative trait, but I don't see it that way. He is very strong willed and if he is insistent about something there is always a good reason. He can be very practical at times and helps to keep my feet on the ground when my mind is several steps ahead. He is always there with gentle reminders to eat or sleep when I have forgotten and he always makes sure I take care of myself when I would be neglectful of my own everyday needs. He knows when to take a stand and is not afraid to question things. He also refuses to let me overwhelm myself or work myself too hard. His stubbornness is a wonderful asset in our relationship and it is another thing I love about my boy.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Things To Love... (Pt. 2)

3. His smell: Yeah I know what you are probably thinking, but I'm completely serious. Whether he is freshly showered or sweaty from work my boy always smells great. I don't understand how he does it, but I wish I could bottle his smell. I love to run my fingers up the sides of his face into his hair and plant kisses on the top of his head just so I can bury my nose in his scent. I imagine its how angels would smell if they existed. I love to hold him in my arms and be enveloped in his sweet scent. :D

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Things To Love...

2. Innocence: I love his innocence. Whether or not he is being shy or outgoing, sweet or stubborn there is an innocence and purity about him that shines like a beacon that blinds as it saves. It is an innocence I lost a long time ago, if I ever even had it to start with. It warms me and brings a smile to my face every day.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Almost Only Counts...

So to keep things short and moving at a fast pace I'm going to be brief. I almost lost my boy and it messed up my world and the way I think about my life. So in an effort to remind myself how lucky I am to still have him in my life I am going to try to list at least one reason why I am grateful by listing all the things that I love about him.

1. His kindness: He is one of the most kind-hearted men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is more compassionate than I could ever be and I am grateful that he is there to temper my sternness with a kinder tone.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Playing in Public (Part 1)

I know this is belated, but vanilla life family emergencies and school have kept me at a constant state of emotional and physical drain. March 6th I played with Bear at a munch party for the first time. It was amazing and intense. I will write more later. Too exhausted tonight.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Little's Night Out

Today my friend Chickie and her daddy came to pick me up for a little's day with our friend Austin and his mommy. We went out for pizza then went bowling. It was super fun and I can't tell you how much I needed to get out and play with my little friends. I can't wait until tomorrow. It is munch night and I will get to see them all again, but this time I will have Bear with me. It was a great night and I am so tired. Gonna head to bed.

Friday, February 25, 2011


I have always had a terrible temper, but I can usually control it very well. I have only "lost it" completely twice in my life. However, last night was the first time I even came close to losing it since I was 16.

Last night my boy and I went to a small party that some of our vanilla friends were hosting. It was just a small get together out in the country with only 6 people there counting Bear and myself. He decided to stay sober so I started doing tequila shots with my hostess friend. I usually don't drink tequila because it tends to make me short tempered, but since I was with mostly people I knew and trusted it didn't seem like a bad idea. I didn't drink enough to get wasted, but I did have 6 tequila shots in less than an hour.

That is when the only guy at the party I didn't know started teasing my boy. I told him to knock it off because he was drunk and I didn't want to listen to it. He would quit for awhile, but he was so drunk that he would get bored and forget I just told him to fuck off.

Around 5 a.m. Bear started to fall asleep so my friend said we could stay in one of the extra rooms. I helped her make it up then took my boy to bed. He laid down and crashed almost immediately. I was relaxed but still awake. After about 30 minutes I heard the door open. I saw that drunk asshole sneaking into the room like he was gonna crawl in bed with us. I sat up and glared and told him to fuck off. He did, but he kept coming back every few minutes to fuck with me since he knew I was trying hard not to wake Bear up and I wouldn't do anything.

After the asshole came in for the fourth time, I had had enough. I stood up carefully and moved to the door where he was standing and told him to get out or I would fuck him up. He got pissed and started yelling so I grabbed him by the throat and shoved him backwards over the t.v. This is when everyone else noticed something was going on. They tried to calm him down, but he was drunk and stupid and yelling his head off, trying to get up and come after me. Everyone else was holding him back and this is when Bear woke up. He had his hands on my waist like he was going to hold me back, but I wasn't about to let him get involved. My instincts were kicking in hard and my only thought was Bear's safety and well-being. I was fully ready to rip that drunk motherfucker apart, but I knew I couldn't loose it because Bear would get involved and I didn't want him to be.

Long story short, my friends talked him into the kitchen to try to calm his drunk ass down while Bear and I got our stuff and left. I was so pissed and at the edge of my control by the time I got to the car that my whole body was shaking violently. It took me a long time to calm down enough to sleep after that.

I think one thing nobody but my boy understands is that I am a very avaricious person. When something is mine, it is MINE, end of story. And nobody messes with my things. I protect and care for my own and fuck everybody else. That is how I am and always have been. Even when I am feeling submissive, I am still possessive over things that are mine. Bear is my boy and I would have killed that drunk motherfucker for hurting his feelings in a heartbeat.

Monday, February 21, 2011

We Are Family

In some groups you will hear the comparison made between the group and a family. I have always felt close to my particular Munch group, but I realized Saturday night that we really are like a family. We get together for dinner, we talk, we laugh, and offer advice to help each other. Most of us try to keep in touch outside of the Munches too. It can be easy to take for granted, but I am impressed and touched by the way everyone really came together to remember their sister, Q.

I can't tell you how amazing it was to see everyone show up for Q's memorial. There were over 50 people who there and many more who couldn't be there that left messages of support and remembrance. It is in times of tragedy that the true character of the community as a whole is most visible. It really touched me to see everyone band together in grief and celebrate the life of an amazing friend. Q, you are loved and missed.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Too Much Pain

As I sit here I am numb with pain. The world is now a much dimmer place without you in it. I received the news that Q passed away yesterday. I was honored to have had such an amazing woman as a friend and I cannot begin to describe how much she will be missed. I am sure that everyone one will agree that Q will leave a gap in our community that will never be filled. I can only hope and pray for her family and those of us who she left behind. My heart is broken and I feel as if I'm dying inside. Q, you are missed.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Too Spoiled?

Lately I have really stepped back and realized how spoiled my boy really is. He grew up as essentially an only child and was always spoiled by his mother. This has made him a bit immature about some things. Mostly it is just being too selfish. Its not that he doesn't care about me or what I want, he just is so used to being taken care of that he doesn't think about how much work I have to put into it.

I love him, but sometimes I want things to be about me and only me. I want to get what I want without feeling like I'm a selfish bitch. It is so strange to me to care so deeply about his feelings that I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness and what I want for him. Maybe that is what love is...but if so what does that say about the way he feels? I honestly think he just doesn't think about it. I feel he takes me for granted. I just want to feel special and I've told him this. And when he remembers me, I do feel like the only and best woman in the world...but more often than not I feel as if I'm an afterthought.

I guess I just don't know what to think, let alone what to say to him.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

February Make-Over

I decided to give my blog a romantic make-over in honor of Valentine's Day. I am a little nervous about the holiday this year because it was always a special day when I was with Sir. I hope that I won't ruin things because of that. I don't have much experience with relationships honestly. Before I was married, I was the love 'em then leave 'em type. I didn't ever really date or anything so I'm nervous about what to do. Bear has said that he wants to take control of the holiday which is fine with me since I don't know what to do.

I am the rose of Sharon,
and the lily of the valleys.
As the lily among thorns,
so is my love among the daughters.

As the apple tree among the trees of the wood,
so is my beloved among the sons.
I sat down under his shadow with great delight,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.
Stay me with flagons,
comfort me with apples:
for I am sick of love.
His left hand is under my head,
and his right hand doth embrace me.

I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem,
by the roes, and by the hinds of the field,
that ye stir not up, nor awake my love,
till he please.

The voice of my beloved!

Behold, he cometh
leaping upon the mountains,
skipping upon the hills.
My beloved is like a roe or a young hart:
behold, he standeth behind our wall,
he looketh forth at the windows,
showing himself through the lattice.

My beloved spake, and said unto me,
Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.

For, lo, the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone;
the flowers appear on the earth;
the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
the fig tree putteth forth her green figs,
and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.

Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock,
in the secret places of the stars,
let me see thy countenance,
let me hear thy voice;
for sweet is thy voice,
and thy countenance is comely.

Take us the foxes, the little foxes,
that spoil the vines:
for our vines have tender grapes.

My beloved is mine, and I am his:
he feedeth among the lilies.
Until the day break,
and the shadows flee away,
turn, my beloved,
and be thou like a roe or a young hart
upon the mountains of Bether.

-Second Song of Solomon

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

A Friend in Need

When I first joined the local BDSM community the first friends I made have been my best friends. One of those friends was Q. She was my Munch Buddy Lori's best friend and the 3 of us have always been close.

I learned this morning that Q is in the hospital and it doesn't look good. She is currently in the ICU. I have been sending all the love and good thoughts I can her way and even though you may not know her, I encourage you to do the same. She is a wonderful person and she has changed my life for the better. I love you Q, get well soon.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Appendectomy and Other Fun

Ok I had every intention of writing again way sooner than this, but the last month has been insane. Bear went into the hospital the week before his birthday to have his appendix out. He was sick and in the hospital for a little less than a week. Then he had to make sure he didn't pull his stitches or re-injure himself for 6 weeks after they released him. He was in a ton of pain for weeks. It was killing me to see him so miserable, especially since there was absolutely nothing I could do to help. Thank the Gods that he is recovered and doing fine now.

Then after that drama there was the insanity of the holiday season. *shudder* Enough said about that.

Finally the spring semester just started and because I'm me I have 5 classes right now. Homework is a giant, constantly crushing weight. Bear is taking 3 of the same classes which is mostly helpful. Although since I still have yet to find a job and he works 5 days a week, I end up being responsible for both of our schedules. This does not bother me.

Lately things have felt strange between us. He is still the sweet, wonderful submissive that I love most of the time, but sometimes it feels like he is fighting me even when I am doing what he wants. I don't know if it is just a defiant streak in his nature, or if there is a problem he doesn't want to talk about. I have prompted him to speak to me if something is bothering him several times, but he insists there is nothing wrong. Maybe it is me. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive and jumping at nothing.

It could always just be good old fashioned stress putting both of us on edge. We are both under pressure to save money and do well in school and maybe this is just a side effect. Whatever the case, I want my sweet boy to be my sweet girl again. It seems like forever since I made him feel like his sissy self that he hides from the rest of the world. I think I may have a long overdue surprise for him tonight, depending on how he seems after work. :)