Submissive Girl?

I have been wondering lately if I should change the title of my blog. In some ways I think I should leave it as is because I still am a submissive girl. I still submit to Sir and Daddy, but it seems like most of the time I am in Domme mode because of M. I am not really as physically submissive as I would like anymore because Sir and I have settled into a style that suits our relationship much better. I am His little girl as well as well as Daddy's, but I am not beaten or physically punished at all by either. It would be pretty difficult with Daddy 20 hours away and Sir doesn't really enjoy the physical side of D/s. He is much more into the mental side of it.

This presents me with a quandary. I am a submissive as well as a Dominant. I am a switch so shouldn't the title of my blog reflect that. Before I had a submissive I never really had to worry about it. But now that I am actively in both roles shouldn't I take that role and adapt it to my blog.

I think that every person changes as they grow up and get more comfortable and learn more about themselves. A person's identity is a constantly evolving entity. As I continue to grow and change and discover new things shouldn't the way I identify myself in my public and private lives change too? I think so.

More on "Secretary"

After seeing the movie Secretary I wondered what about it was most memorable, most eye and mind catching. Many scenes caught hold in my brain, but what surprised me most was that the scene that stuck with me the most was not overtly sexual or even that sexy at all.

The part that stayed with me has the main character sitting at a desk where she has been ordered not to move her hands or feet until he returns. Someone asks her in a nervous whisper "Is this some kind of sex thing?" She gives a wry chuckle and replies "Does it look like a sex thing?"

I loved that. Mostly just because for her D/s wasn't a "sex thing" it was much more. For me sex has little to do with our D/s. Yes sometimes being tied up and flogged will lead to sex, but not always and sex isn't the objective. The beatings, the chores, even being tied to the desk and made to be a cup holder for hours, all of it is so much more than sex could be for me. It means so much more to me.

When I was younger I knew there was something in me. I was told by my family that there was something wrong about me. They sensed it even though none of them knew what it was. I didn't even know. Whatever it was, it frightened them. Looking back I think they were just frightened by something they could sense but not name. A carnal fear of the unknown. As I grew up I tried to pretend I was happy being "normal", but it didn't matter. The other children hated me. Their parents kept them away from me. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't hide that I was different. To me it felt that there was a hole deep inside. Nothing I did could fill it.

In high school everyone just left me alone. I did well in school, was involved in theater and volunteer projects, and in the end none of that mattered either. The adults in charge could still feel that I was different. I was never picked to be in charge of any committees or productions. I was never congratulated for doing well in anything. I was in short, passed over. I was an outsider on the inside. No matter how hard I worked or how much I tried, I was always looked at then passed over in favor of people who didn't.

This all sounds rather ridiculous when I read over it, but its very true. It didn't even really hurt by then. By the time I got to high school I was exhausted with trying to fit in. I still kept up my facade, but underneath I was just as empty and unfulfilled as ever. So I tried to fill it. I've already written here about my juvenile self-hurting days. In high school I continued to hurt myself, but it wasn't enough anymore. So I started trying other ways to fill the void. I drank alot and had more one night stands then should be possible at that age. The remarkable thing to me now is that no one knew. My best and only real friend in school knew because I told him, but even he had trouble believing me. It just wasn't part of my projected persona.

When I did finally settle on someone to date I got into a relationship I knew was doomed from the beginning. She was a year older than me and like me she had had a horrible childhood. I think I fell for her because we were both damaged in our own way. We were together for two years before I finally drove her away. I am surprised looking back that it took her so long to get fed up and leave me. When being with her didn't fill the hole, I started doing things to hurt her. Her pain didn't fill me either. I was more lost and alone after she left then I had been before. My mother knew something was wrong and tried to "snap me out of it". I snapped all right. Near the end of my senior year I had a break down and tried to slit my wrists. My mother came home early and found me. Her words in that instant will define her character for you, "Why would you do this to me?" I didn't speak to her for days.

Then two years ago I met Sir. I was still hurting and empty then. I don't know any better way to describe Him, other than He fills me. He fills up that empty void inside me. Don't think that it was some love at first sight, He fixed me bullshit. In real life that doesn't happen. That void that has been in me all my life is still there. I can still feel it. It will probably never go away. But my Sir fills it. Every command, every lash, and every kiss fills that void more completely than I ever hoped it could be filled. And this is why I am grateful to Him. It is not why I love Him.

I ask myself now why I wrote all this. I think that this story is like poison that has been sitting in me for a long time and in telling it, I am drawing the poison away from myself. Not really drawing it out of me because it is a part of me, but drawing it away from my heart so that it can't destroy me. Writing to an audience that may or may not exist or care is the best way I know how to do this. I should just keep this for myself, but there is a feeling of freedom in publishing it, even if it will never be read. And freedom to me is a wonderful feeling, especially when freedom comes with chains.

Poly Thoughts

For over a year now, Sir and I have been discussing poly. Even before He collared me, we toyed with the idea of adding another woman to our relationship. I have been a bisexual as long as I can remember having sexual feelings, so it adding a woman, even just as an occasional play-partner, has always appealed to me. And of course it is every straight man's fantasy, so it appeals to Sir as well. Now that I am collared, the idea of a "subbie sister" appeals even more.

I know that many people warn of the dangers of a poly relationship, but I believe I could handle it. I know I am capable of loving two people at once. I have been in love like that before. I think that for it to work, we would just have to find someone who is compatible with both of us. That will be the hardest part. Jealousy is not a problem for me. I know my place and am completely confident in Sir. I just don't know if we could find another woman who shares this trait.

I would love to find another little submissive into D/s and domestic service. Sir has agreed that it would be perfect to find another who is like me in these ways. Someone I can play with in both sexual and non-sexual ways, who shares my love of serving Him. I only hope that we can one day find someone in our area that fits that description. We aren't actively looking, but hopefully we can just happen into the perfect third to complement our couple.

Yeah I Know, Long Time No See

I thought it would be awhile before I had the time and inclination to post again. Now that the holidays are over I should have alot more time to write more regularly. Alot has happened in the last couple months.

I would say the biggest thing (at least to me) was being collared. A few weeks ago my husband and I had a talk about depression. It is something I have fought with since early adolescence and it gets pretty bad sometimes. We were talking about the total sense of uselessness I have been feeling ever since I lost my job several months ago. Long story short: that discussion finally made him realize what D/s is to me. It gave him a vantage point to understand because he had dealt with depression before as well. For some reason having that talk helped him to really understand my particular take on D/s and what I need in that kind of relationship.

So fast forward to last week. Ever since we had that talk, he has been more Dominant than ever. I mean truly Dominant, not just the act he put on in the bedroom every now and again. Nothing had really changed between us, it was just different. Its like he knew what to do the whole time, he just had to understand to use it.

Now fast forward again to today. We went to the store and ran errands all day. Got home and I put away the groceries. He said he wanted a soda and was going to go the the gas station to get a huge fountain soda. I didn't think anything of it. He got home as I was finishing up putting everything away. He stood and watched me then told me he had a surprise for me. I turned around and he had a smile on his face and a thin, black leather collar in his hands. I'm pretty sure I squeaked in surprise. It even had a shiny silver tag with our names on it. I held still while he put it on and thanked him profusely.

I am so incredibly happy and grateful. I was worried that it wouldn't last, that he would get sick of being Sir to me. He has assured me that He actually prefers our relationship that way as long as I am ok with it. We just seem closer and stronger now.
Ok I'm done gushing now. I guess the important thing to readers is that Sir now refers to my husband and my posts will be labeled as such from now on. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! I know I did.

Switch

I've always known that I can act dominant. I have always acted decisive and confident in my everyday life. But I have always considered myself a submissive person. If I was ever confronted by someone who was a dominant person, my first reaction was to back down and become docile. Even though I didn't always, I still always wanted to submit to anyone who seemed to be truly dominant.

I think this is one reason I felt so awkward when my husband tried to Dom for me when I told him what I wanted. He isn't a Dom. He is a dominant person to the outside world, but it felt so uncomfortable to have him be my Dom. I just didn't feel that need to submit that I feel with others. I guess this was my first clue that he wasn't a dominant at all.

Last night I brought it up with him. We usually don't talk about "my kink" much anymore. I think it makes him feel inadequate because he can't Dom me. Anyway, I told him of my suspicions. He admitted that his best orgasms happened when I was mocking or belittling him, or acting like I'm bored or he isn't turning me on.

So I Dommed him. I actually started to enjoy it. It was nice to see my straight macho husband begging me to let him cum like a little bitch while I fucked his ass. I didn't go easy on him, but he just begged me for more anyway. It was good to work out some of my frustrations on him. It wasn't good in the same way that being Dom(med) but it was good in another way.

I never really considered myself a switch before. Maybe now I will have to reconsider that. I never thought I would enjoy Domming, but I think that with him I really do. I have always said that people should try everything once...maybe in this case I will have to try it again! Too bad this still doesn't solve my problems with what I want in a relationship.

A Beautiful Sentiment

While I was browsing the Internet the other day, I happened upon a website written by a Daddy Dominant. It is rare for me to find a page that means something to me. Usually it is the same sentiments and phrases repeated over and over in an endless catechism until the sentiments themselves lose the special meaning they had in the first place. I am repulsed by the lip-service most people give to ideals that really should be treasured. This being said, I know that not everyone values what I do. However, when I read things that to me are so beautiful as to bring tears to my eyes, I can't help but sit back and wonder how others cannot be touched as well, how someone else could read the same beautiful words, and be repulsed.

However, I will let that go for a moment to concentrate on that site this post is about. I will re-post his touching words for you, make of them what you will. I will also include the address for his page so you can feel free to check it out. If he happens to read this and want me to take it down, I will gladly and immediately oblige. That being said, enjoy.

People ask, What is a Daddy Dom. Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dominant. His choice is to be a Daddy Dom, this does not mean incest (as has been said in the past by ignorant people) rather a Daddy Dom is One who cares for, nurtures, shapes, and molds his babygirl into the image He thinks she should become. He sees in her someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He often times believes more in her, than she believes in herself.

His love for his babygirl goes without question. He loves her as much for who she is, as for what she will become with His guidance. she is ...... His prized possession. a Daddy's eyes will light up when she comes into a room and take great pride in her success's. Afterall, He helped to create her. She holds the most tender part of His heart and has greatest power to hurt Him.

This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his lilgirl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to Him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given Him and takes great pains to increase it’s value. It is extremely important to Him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with Him.

He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, His discipline is more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the lilgirl to really trust, she must know He means what He says. If His lilgirl is going to be the best she can possibly be He must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and His knowledge of her to provide proper direction and punishment when the need arises.

If He does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If His submissive finds that she can manipulate Him out of punishing her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.

This takes great strength on His part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to His needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all He wants to do is hold her safe in His arms. And it takes strength to do what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.

A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to His submissive...acceptance. She is safe in His arms because He knows her, everything about her, and He still loves her. When she goes to Him she knows that this Man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn’t matter. To Him she is and always will be beautiful.

A Daddy Dom and a Sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many lilgirls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship.

I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them, taking on the role of Male authority figure in the submissive’s life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/lilgirl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it’s participants crave.

Perhaps a Daddy Dom is something only a lilgirl can understand.

The address for the page is: http://www.daddy-denial.com/2.html.

I think this passage effects me so much because it reminds me of Daddy. He is everything here to me and more. He is not just a Dominant, but a nurturer, provider, lover, and so much more. I hope one day to live up to His expectations for me and become the person He believes I am and could be.

Education for a Subbie

Since Daddy is very busy and very far away, He has not had as much time to look after my discipline lately. I was already worried I wouldn't be ready for Him when He came to me because I am still so new to being a full time submissive. I still have trouble obeying in a timely and non-confrontational manner sometimes, and still have minor episodes of rebellious defiance that I have to work through. I don't believe that it is a lack of desire or willpower that causes these lapses, but more a lack of training and experience. Even though, it is still very hard for Daddy to do this over the phone, especially when He is working.

To solve this problem, one of my aunts thought that she could train me properly, until Daddy could get here to take over for her. As I have written before, my aunts are also involved in a D/s relationship, although not full time. For the sake of clarity I am going to refer to my Dominant aunt as Aunt D, and my submissive aunt as Aunt S. Aunt D wanted to retrain Aunt S anyway since she was out of practice and a little unruly at times. I think it will be wonderful having my aunties showing me how to be better for Daddy. This way I will have the guidance of two experienced people who I love and trust.

I called Daddy to ask how He would feel about the arrangement. He agreed that it might be better to have an experienced Dom train me so that I wasn't out of practice and spoiled when He got here. With a small bit of reluctance, He gave consent for Aunt D to give me some generic subbie training. I am not sure how it will be since Daddy and Aunt D are very different in their styles and preferences. Also with Aunt D there will obviously not be a sexual nature to what she is going to teach me. However, regardless of the nature of the tasks, orders are orders.

This should be an interesting month for sure.

To Thine Own Self Be True.....

In any relationship, honesty is always an asset. This holds even more true for any D/s relationship. With honesty comes trust and responsibility. Without honesty, the very foundation of everything BDSM is built on becomes compromised. How can you be submissive to a Dom or Domme when you don't trust them? How can you serve a Master or Daddy when they don't know what you need or want from them?

But before you can be honest with anyone, you have to be honest with yourself. I suggest making lists. It is the easiest way to find out what, in your heart of hearts, you need and want. Do research on the lifestyles and options, talk to other people that are living the lifestyle (online or off), and just find out what it is that turns you on! Its the best and safest way to connect with yourself and others.

Secondly, when you do decide what it is you need and desire for yourself, think about everything you need from your ideal partner. Think about what it is about your past relationships that worked and what didn't.

And finally, the hardest step, finding the person that is right for you. This is the hardest step. I know from experience that it is just not possible until you have done the first two. Once again, if you aren't honest with yourself about what you want and need, how do you expect to find it? This is also the step that is most tempting to "cheat" on. Most people are willing to ignore what they have already learned about themselves in order to settle on something they believe to be more easily obtained. Once again, I've been here too. It is so tempting when you find someone you believe to be perfect, but can't indulge in what you truly need in a relationship, to just settle anyway. Trust me, this causes more problems than it will ever solve.

Daddy and I had this problem at the first. I had already decided before I met Him that I wasn't going to settle ever again. So when I realized I was in love with Him, I balked. At the time I had no idea that He was into D/s or any type of BDSM. I never dreamed that my kind, understanding, wonderful boyfriend would be willing and eager to also be my Daddy. I realize that I am incredibly lucky. If He had not seen who I was inside, we probably would have eventually broken up because I wouldn't let myself be with someone who didn't or couldn't fulfill my needs. I also realize now how incredibly rare it is for two strangers who outwardly don't seek a specifically BDSM relationship to meet and fall in love without recognizing how right they are for each other. I wasn't actively looking for a Master or a Daddy or a Dom when I met Him and He wasn't actively looking for a submissive of any type. We just got lucky. Its rare, and it is alot more common to meet someone who is actively looking for a Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, or any other type of BDSM relationship.

My only real advice for anyone looking for this kind of relationship is to be honest, know what you want, and be safe. There are so many people out there, and only one may be right for you. Finding that one may be difficult and trying, but if you refuse to settle and succeed, the rewards are never ending and fully satisfying.

My New Life

As this is my very first blog, I will take some time to introduce myself and write a little about how I decided to create it in the first place. I have always been familiar with the BDSM lifestyle and recently have discovered many interesting and insightful blogs on numerous different types of these relationships from all points of view. However, as a 24/7 Daddy's girl submissive, I found a serious lack of blogs on the subject. I thought to myself that I should try to fill this gap as best I could to help others, like I was, learn about this type of relationship from a first hand point of view. I apologize if I don't do so well at first, as I have never blogged before. I only hope I get better with time.

Ever since I can remember I have always been interested in "alternative" lifestyles. I discovered as a young teenager I was a bisexual. My early relationships didn't last long because I always felt that I was missing something. I always seemed to drive both men and women away with my "unusual" ideas regarding sex and relationship structure. I took my concerns to my aunt who had lived happily with her wife for several years. I trusted both my aunts and had gone to them before for advice. They listened as I told them my concerns and instead of dismissing me, they introduced me to the world of BDSM which they had been involved with personally and through friends over the years. I was relieved when they told me what they knew convinced me I wasn't a freak for what I liked. I continued to do research on my own and began to discover discretely what I liked and didn't like about the different types of BDSM. Now that I knew what I really did want I began to search for a suitable partner. I have always known I was a submissive since I first learned the distinctions between the different roles in BDSM relationships. However, I never found anyone that was right for me.

Then several months ago, I met Daddy. I had always longed for a Daddy/little girl relationship, even before I knew anything about BDSM relationships or that other people felt the way I did. I knew I was in love with Him, but I was worried that He, like so many others, wouldn't accept who I was. I thought that no matter how much I loved Him, that we were doomed to fail. Then one day, after several months of dating, we were having phone sex, as we often did, and I heard Him say the words I had only heard in my wildest dreams. He clearly said to me "Cum for Daddy baby!" I was in shock. "How did He know?" I asked myself. I had been careful not to mention anything about it. I knew He could be kinky from our previous encounters, but I never imagined anything like this. I questioned Him later about it. He said He just felt that it was right. He knew me better and more completely than ever suspected anyone could. Come to find out, He had been looking for someone like me for a long time.

After my initial shock wore off, I asked Him what He wanted to do about it. He invited me to come live with Him so He could be my Daddy full time. I thought I had died and gone to heaven, I really did. It seemed too good to be true. And honestly it still does. I only wish I could have met Him sooner. He makes me feel so complete and I know He feels the same.

Ok enough with the trip down memory lane. As much as I love talking about my wonderful Daddy, this blog is for more than just fond memories. I plan on addressing common misconceptions about Daddy/girl relationships in my next post. I will probably cover many other topics as well as giving insights into my life with Daddy. If anyone has any questions or topic suggestions, feel free to comment and I will try to get back to you in a timely manner.