Monday, September 22, 2008

To Thine Own Self Be True.....

In any relationship, honesty is always an asset. This holds even more true for any D/s relationship. With honesty comes trust and responsibility. Without honesty, the very foundation of everything BDSM is built on becomes compromised. How can you be submissive to a Dom or Domme when you don't trust them? How can you serve a Master or Daddy when they don't know what you need or want from them?

But before you can be honest with anyone, you have to be honest with yourself. I suggest making lists. It is the easiest way to find out what, in your heart of hearts, you need and want. Do research on the lifestyles and options, talk to other people that are living the lifestyle (online or off), and just find out what it is that turns you on! Its the best and safest way to connect with yourself and others.

Secondly, when you do decide what it is you need and desire for yourself, think about everything you need from your ideal partner. Think about what it is about your past relationships that worked and what didn't.

And finally, the hardest step, finding the person that is right for you. This is the hardest step. I know from experience that it is just not possible until you have done the first two. Once again, if you aren't honest with yourself about what you want and need, how do you expect to find it? This is also the step that is most tempting to "cheat" on. Most people are willing to ignore what they have already learned about themselves in order to settle on something they believe to be more easily obtained. Once again, I've been here too. It is so tempting when you find someone you believe to be perfect, but can't indulge in what you truly need in a relationship, to just settle anyway. Trust me, this causes more problems than it will ever solve.

Daddy and I had this problem at the first. I had already decided before I met Him that I wasn't going to settle ever again. So when I realized I was in love with Him, I balked. At the time I had no idea that He was into D/s or any type of BDSM. I never dreamed that my kind, understanding, wonderful boyfriend would be willing and eager to also be my Daddy. I realize that I am incredibly lucky. If He had not seen who I was inside, we probably would have eventually broken up because I wouldn't let myself be with someone who didn't or couldn't fulfill my needs. I also realize now how incredibly rare it is for two strangers who outwardly don't seek a specifically BDSM relationship to meet and fall in love without recognizing how right they are for each other. I wasn't actively looking for a Master or a Daddy or a Dom when I met Him and He wasn't actively looking for a submissive of any type. We just got lucky. Its rare, and it is alot more common to meet someone who is actively looking for a Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, or any other type of BDSM relationship.

My only real advice for anyone looking for this kind of relationship is to be honest, know what you want, and be safe. There are so many people out there, and only one may be right for you. Finding that one may be difficult and trying, but if you refuse to settle and succeed, the rewards are never ending and fully satisfying.

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