Daddy gets off work at 7 pm every day. He always calls me on His way home, to check on me and see how my day has been. I look forward to His calls more than anything else in my daily life. Hearing His voice is so soothing and knowing He cares enough about me to take the time to see how I am doing while He is gone.
Today I sat at 6:50, phone in hand, waiting for His call. So I waited....and waited....and waited... By the time 7:15 came around, I was worried. He has never neglected to call me. By the time 7:30 arrived, I was very worried. I started to go through everything I had done in the last few days, anything that could have made Him mad. I was worried that I had done something to make Him want to punish me like that because He knows that the worse punishment is the absence of Him in my life.
I couldn't think of anything I had done to warrant such a punishment. Immediately after this train of thought derailed, panic swept through me. I started to think of anything that could have happened to Him. Car accident, building collapse, random psycho with a grudge against the person next to Him and horrible aim, in short everything that could have gone wrong.
By 8:30 I was beside myself. I had not had a panic attack for awhile, but I started to feel one closing in on me. To distract myself and the impending whirlwind of panic swirling around my brain I decided to scrub the bathroom with a fury. So I began to scrub on my hands and knees until my knuckles were raw, panic flooding me the whole time.
After awhile, Aunt D called me into her room to run an errand for her. I grabbed my keys and went to the store, still full of fear for Him. When I got back I sat down to try to calm myself before tackling the bathroom again. As I stood to return to my panic chores, my phone rang. I saw the caller I.D. read His number. With relief, I grabbed up my phone and answered. He could tell I was upset and we talked about what had happened.
My cell phone has bad reception here, so I guess that when He called me after work the first time, my phone just didn't ring. He assumed I was busy or that I didn't have reception (which was logical, since I have had phone problems for awhile now. go figure that I wouldn't think of it).
So long story short, the panic crisis was averted. He called me, and I am feeling fine now. I am somewhat ashamed at my reaction, but reassured too. I love that He is that important to me and that He is the stabilizing force in my everyday life, even if He can't be here right now.