Monday, October 13, 2008

Whats A sub Without A Dom?

Daddy wanted me to come to Him. He was going to buy my ticket and I was going to leave last Thursday. It was everything I had wanted, everything I had dreamed about for months. But Wednesday night, I knew I couldn't do it.

I called Him and told Him I couldn't go. I didn't know why then and I still don't know why. Something inside of me just wouldn't allow me to take that step. I am heartbroken, and not just for myself. I hurt the one man that has truly seen what I am. I did the one thing I never wanted to do again. I hurt someone I love. Not even accidentally, but by purposely doing something that I knew would hurt another person to the core. Its times like this I ask what is wrong with me? Why am I like this?

I wonder if I am doing the right thing. Its too late now. I just hope my instincts were right and that there really is a reason I stayed. There are plenty of "practical" reasons, I just wonder what my heart was thinking this time.

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