Friday, October 3, 2008

Not Much to Say

I really don't have much to say today, but I feel obligated to post at least every other day. I have been going back and forth rapidly lately in my emotional state. I will go from depressed to energetic to happy to lethargic in a matter of hours. Sometimes I can't sit still, other times it seems like a chore to even get up off the couch. Right now I feel so energetic I can barely stand to sit and write this.

I feel sometimes that I am tingling all over and like I am going to explode if I don't get up and go somewhere. Too bad I can't go the only place I want to go. I want to be with Daddy. I feel like I have to be there with Him. Every time I think about Him, which is almost every moment of my life, the tingly, exploding feeling increases and I can feel the skin on my scalp tighten. I need to leave and be with Him. I want to be cautious and I want to throw caution to the wind. How can I be so conflicted?

He is what I want, but I know I need to be patient. It is just so hard to be patient when every nerve in my body is screaming constantly that I have to be there with Him. I hate being separated from Him. It probably doesn't help that I am currently camping on my aunts' couch. I have always hated feeling like a nuisance. I know they don't think of me that way, but I feel like I'm in the way.

If it weren't for Daddy's daily phone calls, my books, and my ipod, I would have gone crazy already. I need distraction from my thoughts. I can feel my thoughts building in my brain, threatening to overwhelm me. I have to stay strong, even though all I want to do I curl up and cry most of the time. I am just so ready to take this next step into my new life and I feel like I am being held back by things that shouldn't and won't matter in such a short time. I know its childish, but I can't help but want to stomp my foot and pout that its not fair. Lifes not fair, that is one thing I have learned and believe whole-heartedly.

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