Some days I wish I were vanilla. My life would be so much easier without my need for Dominance. I need to feel submissive in my relationships, but most vanilla guys just can't handle that. They want an "equal partnership". And when I try to explain that its ok to use me in any and every way they can think of, they look at me like I'm nuts.
There is a real difference between being a person with a dominant personality type, and actually being a Dominant. Vanilla dominants just can't ever be a Dom no matter how much you love each other and want it to work. Even if everything else is great, you have to ask yourself how important is your submission? Because if the relationship can work vanilla style, but never with any kink, that question becomes very important.
You can try to drop the kink and live vanilla, but is it satisfying? Its not for me. That is why I have Daddy. He knows and understands me and what I need more completely than my husband. I love my husband, but I know now that he will never be everything I need. So now I am forced to choose: my unsatisfying vanilla life with my husband, or my satisfying life of adultery with Daddy.
I really wish I could "do the right thing" and go back to my husband and drop the kink forever and life a "normal" vanilla life and be happy. That last part is the problem, happiness. The last time I tried this way, I wasn't really very happy at all. I felt like I was hiding a big secret and constantly wearing a mask so he wouldn't see what I needed. Daddy saw through the mask like it wasn't even there. He gives me everything I need and I am so grateful for everything He does for me. But the fact remains, I am married. I just wish I didn't have to choose.