In some groups you will hear the comparison made between the group and a family. I have always felt close to my particular Munch group, but I realized Saturday night that we really are like a family. We get together for dinner, we talk, we laugh, and offer advice to help each other. Most of us try to keep in touch outside of the Munches too. It can be easy to take for granted, but I am impressed and touched by the way everyone really came together to remember their sister, Q.
I can't tell you how amazing it was to see everyone show up for Q's memorial. There were over 50 people who there and many more who couldn't be there that left messages of support and remembrance. It is in times of tragedy that the true character of the community as a whole is most visible. It really touched me to see everyone band together in grief and celebrate the life of an amazing friend. Q, you are loved and missed.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Too Much Pain
As I sit here I am numb with pain. The world is now a much dimmer place without you in it. I received the news that Q passed away yesterday. I was honored to have had such an amazing woman as a friend and I cannot begin to describe how much she will be missed. I am sure that everyone one will agree that Q will leave a gap in our community that will never be filled. I can only hope and pray for her family and those of us who she left behind. My heart is broken and I feel as if I'm dying inside. Q, you are missed.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Too Spoiled?
Lately I have really stepped back and realized how spoiled my boy really is. He grew up as essentially an only child and was always spoiled by his mother. This has made him a bit immature about some things. Mostly it is just being too selfish. Its not that he doesn't care about me or what I want, he just is so used to being taken care of that he doesn't think about how much work I have to put into it.
I love him, but sometimes I want things to be about me and only me. I want to get what I want without feeling like I'm a selfish bitch. It is so strange to me to care so deeply about his feelings that I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness and what I want for him. Maybe that is what love is...but if so what does that say about the way he feels? I honestly think he just doesn't think about it. I feel he takes me for granted. I just want to feel special and I've told him this. And when he remembers me, I do feel like the only and best woman in the world...but more often than not I feel as if I'm an afterthought.
I guess I just don't know what to think, let alone what to say to him.
I love him, but sometimes I want things to be about me and only me. I want to get what I want without feeling like I'm a selfish bitch. It is so strange to me to care so deeply about his feelings that I am willing to sacrifice my own happiness and what I want for him. Maybe that is what love is...but if so what does that say about the way he feels? I honestly think he just doesn't think about it. I feel he takes me for granted. I just want to feel special and I've told him this. And when he remembers me, I do feel like the only and best woman in the world...but more often than not I feel as if I'm an afterthought.
I guess I just don't know what to think, let alone what to say to him.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
February Make-Over
I decided to give my blog a romantic make-over in honor of Valentine's Day. I am a little nervous about the holiday this year because it was always a special day when I was with Sir. I hope that I won't ruin things because of that. I don't have much experience with relationships honestly. Before I was married, I was the love 'em then leave 'em type. I didn't ever really date or anything so I'm nervous about what to do. Bear has said that he wants to take control of the holiday which is fine with me since I don't know what to do.
I am the rose of Sharon,
and the lily of the valleys.
As the lily among thorns,
so is my love among the daughters.
As the apple tree among the trees of the wood,
so is my beloved among the sons.
I sat down under his shadow with great delight,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.
Stay me with flagons,
comfort me with apples:
for I am sick of love.
His left hand is under my head,
and his right hand doth embrace me.
I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem,
by the roes, and by the hinds of the field,
that ye stir not up, nor awake my love,
till he please.
The voice of my beloved!
Behold, he cometh
leaping upon the mountains,
skipping upon the hills.
My beloved is like a roe or a young hart:
behold, he standeth behind our wall,
he looketh forth at the windows,
showing himself through the lattice.
My beloved spake, and said unto me,
Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For, lo, the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone;
the flowers appear on the earth;
the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
the fig tree putteth forth her green figs,
and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock,
in the secret places of the stars,
let me see thy countenance,
let me hear thy voice;
for sweet is thy voice,
and thy countenance is comely.
Take us the foxes, the little foxes,
that spoil the vines:
for our vines have tender grapes.
My beloved is mine, and I am his:
he feedeth among the lilies.
Until the day break,
and the shadows flee away,
turn, my beloved,
and be thou like a roe or a young hart
upon the mountains of Bether.
-Second Song of Solomon
I am the rose of Sharon,
and the lily of the valleys.
As the lily among thorns,
so is my love among the daughters.
As the apple tree among the trees of the wood,
so is my beloved among the sons.
I sat down under his shadow with great delight,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his banner over me was love.
Stay me with flagons,
comfort me with apples:
for I am sick of love.
His left hand is under my head,
and his right hand doth embrace me.
I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem,
by the roes, and by the hinds of the field,
that ye stir not up, nor awake my love,
till he please.
The voice of my beloved!
Behold, he cometh
leaping upon the mountains,
skipping upon the hills.
My beloved is like a roe or a young hart:
behold, he standeth behind our wall,
he looketh forth at the windows,
showing himself through the lattice.
My beloved spake, and said unto me,
Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For, lo, the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone;
the flowers appear on the earth;
the time of the singing of birds is come,
and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
the fig tree putteth forth her green figs,
and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock,
in the secret places of the stars,
let me see thy countenance,
let me hear thy voice;
for sweet is thy voice,
and thy countenance is comely.
Take us the foxes, the little foxes,
that spoil the vines:
for our vines have tender grapes.
My beloved is mine, and I am his:
he feedeth among the lilies.
Until the day break,
and the shadows flee away,
turn, my beloved,
and be thou like a roe or a young hart
upon the mountains of Bether.
-Second Song of Solomon
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
A Friend in Need
When I first joined the local BDSM community the first friends I made have been my best friends. One of those friends was Q. She was my Munch Buddy Lori's best friend and the 3 of us have always been close.
I learned this morning that Q is in the hospital and it doesn't look good. She is currently in the ICU. I have been sending all the love and good thoughts I can her way and even though you may not know her, I encourage you to do the same. She is a wonderful person and she has changed my life for the better. I love you Q, get well soon.
I learned this morning that Q is in the hospital and it doesn't look good. She is currently in the ICU. I have been sending all the love and good thoughts I can her way and even though you may not know her, I encourage you to do the same. She is a wonderful person and she has changed my life for the better. I love you Q, get well soon.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Appendectomy and Other Fun
Ok I had every intention of writing again way sooner than this, but the last month has been insane. Bear went into the hospital the week before his birthday to have his appendix out. He was sick and in the hospital for a little less than a week. Then he had to make sure he didn't pull his stitches or re-injure himself for 6 weeks after they released him. He was in a ton of pain for weeks. It was killing me to see him so miserable, especially since there was absolutely nothing I could do to help. Thank the Gods that he is recovered and doing fine now.
Then after that drama there was the insanity of the holiday season. *shudder* Enough said about that.
Finally the spring semester just started and because I'm me I have 5 classes right now. Homework is a giant, constantly crushing weight. Bear is taking 3 of the same classes which is mostly helpful. Although since I still have yet to find a job and he works 5 days a week, I end up being responsible for both of our schedules. This does not bother me.
Lately things have felt strange between us. He is still the sweet, wonderful submissive that I love most of the time, but sometimes it feels like he is fighting me even when I am doing what he wants. I don't know if it is just a defiant streak in his nature, or if there is a problem he doesn't want to talk about. I have prompted him to speak to me if something is bothering him several times, but he insists there is nothing wrong. Maybe it is me. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive and jumping at nothing.
It could always just be good old fashioned stress putting both of us on edge. We are both under pressure to save money and do well in school and maybe this is just a side effect. Whatever the case, I want my sweet boy to be my sweet girl again. It seems like forever since I made him feel like his sissy self that he hides from the rest of the world. I think I may have a long overdue surprise for him tonight, depending on how he seems after work. :)
Then after that drama there was the insanity of the holiday season. *shudder* Enough said about that.
Finally the spring semester just started and because I'm me I have 5 classes right now. Homework is a giant, constantly crushing weight. Bear is taking 3 of the same classes which is mostly helpful. Although since I still have yet to find a job and he works 5 days a week, I end up being responsible for both of our schedules. This does not bother me.
Lately things have felt strange between us. He is still the sweet, wonderful submissive that I love most of the time, but sometimes it feels like he is fighting me even when I am doing what he wants. I don't know if it is just a defiant streak in his nature, or if there is a problem he doesn't want to talk about. I have prompted him to speak to me if something is bothering him several times, but he insists there is nothing wrong. Maybe it is me. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive and jumping at nothing.
It could always just be good old fashioned stress putting both of us on edge. We are both under pressure to save money and do well in school and maybe this is just a side effect. Whatever the case, I want my sweet boy to be my sweet girl again. It seems like forever since I made him feel like his sissy self that he hides from the rest of the world. I think I may have a long overdue surprise for him tonight, depending on how he seems after work. :)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Bad Luck
I know I haven't been writing alot lately, but that is mostly due to a month long string of horrible luck. I lost my job, my car died, I got behind in classes because of the job that I lost, I was very sick for over a month, and other smaller crappy things. So long story short things have been pretty terrible here since the end of October. The only bright spot in this whole ordeal has been my Bear. He has been a true blessing and I honestly don't think I would have survived the last few months without him. If I ever do break down and let you read my blog sweetheart, know that you are wonderful and I am grateful the universe saw fit to bring you into my life.
That being said, I need to finish up with schoolwork so I will have to catch everyone up on my first play party with Bear next time I have some "me time".
That being said, I need to finish up with schoolwork so I will have to catch everyone up on my first play party with Bear next time I have some "me time".
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