Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Daddy Days

Lately I have been missing Daddy more than usual. We still talk on the phone and online. But some days it just doesn't feel like enough. I love both my Sir and my Daddy. Maybe I'm just selfish, but I feel like I need them both to be involved in my life. Too bad its impossible to have them both always.

The arrangement that I have with Sir is a simple one: We are both free to sleep or play with other people as long as the other is aware of the "date" in advance and the new partner is aware that neither of us plan on leaving our marriage. Sounds simple right? The only problem is the lack of available females in our area. I just wouldn't feel right sleeping with another man if I knew that Sir didn't have any prospective "dates" lined up. It would just be strange...with one exception.

If I could, I would hop on the next flight just to spend even a few days with Daddy. I miss Him. I want to be with Him, even if we both know that it can't last forever. He won't share me and I won't leave my Sir. We are at an impasse. I have offered many times to just leave Him alone since I feel like my selfishness is just going to hurt Him. But time after time He refuses to let me go.

One thing we can agree on though is our view on me visiting. Both of us want to be together, even if its only for a few days. It would be worth the pain later. I personally don't think I could bear not ever knowing His touch on my body. The absence of it now is painful. Its a yearning that tugs at the void in me. I'm not saying that being with Sir isn't enough, its just different. Neither is better than the other, they are just too different to compare. This is why I can love them both without any competition in my heart. I can love both because they are so different from each other.

This summer is the last chance I will have for a long time to see Daddy. This August I start classes at a new college and I won't have time for vacations, especially if I can keep my job. I know that I will not have the money to visit unless Sir finds a good job close by. Even with His degree it will be hard to find good work. I am just hoping now that everything will work out for us.

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