Lonely

So yeah I've been neglecting to write, but mostly because there hasn't been anything to write about. I just started work at GameStop again. At least now I can do the same humiliating and frustrating work for $2 more an hour than the last time I was there. The lack of hours that are available is pretty shitty, but at least its gonna keep us alive until next spring.

Right now Sir is 2 hours away staying in a hotel so that He can be ready to take His AFOQT at 5 am. I know it is important for Him to be gone, but its hard. Except for that rough patch last year we have never spent a night apart, let alone three. At least He will be home Thursday. I miss Him alot, but I am super proud of Him for working so hard to give us a better life. I know He will do well on the test, I just hope He gets the best score in the bunch.

Nothing else is really going on right now. My birthday is this Saturday. I am trying to persuade myself not to get excited. One of my friends and her man want to get Sir and I a hotel suite for the weekend so we can have some privacy to play. I told them to feel free to come along and I really hope they do. It would be nice to have a group scene for once.

Birthdays

As my birthday gets closer, I feel the moodiness and minor depression that always accompanies it. I tell myself that I am not old enough to be depressed by my birthdays, but deep down I know that it has nothing to do with age. I have always been disappointed by my birthdays for as long as I can remember. The last time I actually had a birthday party was when I turned 11.

After that year, my mother either forgot my birthday entirely, or used it as an excuse to throw herself and her friends a party instead. I learned to dread my birthdays for these reasons. Even though I am on my own now, and have been, I still can't help the creeping depression that comes over me this time of year. I have tried to throw myself a party, but it always makes me feel even more lonely and sad.

I had hoped that this year would be different, now that Daddy and I are together. However, He told me that He can't make it here in time for my birthday. I knew that this would probably happen, but deep down I had hoped for a birthday miracle. I don't want to sound childish and greedy, but just this once I had hoped for a special day unlike the birthdays of the past. It sounds horrible of me to complain like this, but I can't stave off the disappointment I am feeling about it. I know that Daddy and I will have many more birthdays for me to celebrate, I just wanted the first one to be special in some way. I hate being this far apart from Daddy.

Ok I am going to stop whining and wallowing in self pity now. I hate to feel this selfish and childish. This is the little girl part of me I usually refuse to indulge and for good reason. I can't usually stand myself when I am like this. So I am going to push through this funk this year and be the best I can for Daddy. After all, that is what I have dedicated myself to.