Thursday, May 19, 2011
Things To Love... (Pt. 2)
3. His smell: Yeah I know what you are probably thinking, but I'm completely serious. Whether he is freshly showered or sweaty from work my boy always smells great. I don't understand how he does it, but I wish I could bottle his smell. I love to run my fingers up the sides of his face into his hair and plant kisses on the top of his head just so I can bury my nose in his scent. I imagine its how angels would smell if they existed. I love to hold him in my arms and be enveloped in his sweet scent. :D
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Things To Love...
2. Innocence: I love his innocence. Whether or not he is being shy or outgoing, sweet or stubborn there is an innocence and purity about him that shines like a beacon that blinds as it saves. It is an innocence I lost a long time ago, if I ever even had it to start with. It warms me and brings a smile to my face every day.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Almost Only Counts...
So to keep things short and moving at a fast pace I'm going to be brief. I almost lost my boy and it messed up my world and the way I think about my life. So in an effort to remind myself how lucky I am to still have him in my life I am going to try to list at least one reason why I am grateful by listing all the things that I love about him.
1. His kindness: He is one of the most kind-hearted men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is more compassionate than I could ever be and I am grateful that he is there to temper my sternness with a kinder tone.
1. His kindness: He is one of the most kind-hearted men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. He is more compassionate than I could ever be and I am grateful that he is there to temper my sternness with a kinder tone.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Playing in Public (Part 1)
I know this is belated, but vanilla life family emergencies and school have kept me at a constant state of emotional and physical drain. March 6th I played with Bear at a munch party for the first time. It was amazing and intense. I will write more later. Too exhausted tonight.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Little's Night Out
Today my friend Chickie and her daddy came to pick me up for a little's day with our friend Austin and his mommy. We went out for pizza then went bowling. It was super fun and I can't tell you how much I needed to get out and play with my little friends. I can't wait until tomorrow. It is munch night and I will get to see them all again, but this time I will have Bear with me. It was a great night and I am so tired. Gonna head to bed.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Rage
I have always had a terrible temper, but I can usually control it very well. I have only "lost it" completely twice in my life. However, last night was the first time I even came close to losing it since I was 16.
Last night my boy and I went to a small party that some of our vanilla friends were hosting. It was just a small get together out in the country with only 6 people there counting Bear and myself. He decided to stay sober so I started doing tequila shots with my hostess friend. I usually don't drink tequila because it tends to make me short tempered, but since I was with mostly people I knew and trusted it didn't seem like a bad idea. I didn't drink enough to get wasted, but I did have 6 tequila shots in less than an hour.
That is when the only guy at the party I didn't know started teasing my boy. I told him to knock it off because he was drunk and I didn't want to listen to it. He would quit for awhile, but he was so drunk that he would get bored and forget I just told him to fuck off.
Around 5 a.m. Bear started to fall asleep so my friend said we could stay in one of the extra rooms. I helped her make it up then took my boy to bed. He laid down and crashed almost immediately. I was relaxed but still awake. After about 30 minutes I heard the door open. I saw that drunk asshole sneaking into the room like he was gonna crawl in bed with us. I sat up and glared and told him to fuck off. He did, but he kept coming back every few minutes to fuck with me since he knew I was trying hard not to wake Bear up and I wouldn't do anything.
After the asshole came in for the fourth time, I had had enough. I stood up carefully and moved to the door where he was standing and told him to get out or I would fuck him up. He got pissed and started yelling so I grabbed him by the throat and shoved him backwards over the t.v. This is when everyone else noticed something was going on. They tried to calm him down, but he was drunk and stupid and yelling his head off, trying to get up and come after me. Everyone else was holding him back and this is when Bear woke up. He had his hands on my waist like he was going to hold me back, but I wasn't about to let him get involved. My instincts were kicking in hard and my only thought was Bear's safety and well-being. I was fully ready to rip that drunk motherfucker apart, but I knew I couldn't loose it because Bear would get involved and I didn't want him to be.
Long story short, my friends talked him into the kitchen to try to calm his drunk ass down while Bear and I got our stuff and left. I was so pissed and at the edge of my control by the time I got to the car that my whole body was shaking violently. It took me a long time to calm down enough to sleep after that.
I think one thing nobody but my boy understands is that I am a very avaricious person. When something is mine, it is MINE, end of story. And nobody messes with my things. I protect and care for my own and fuck everybody else. That is how I am and always have been. Even when I am feeling submissive, I am still possessive over things that are mine. Bear is my boy and I would have killed that drunk motherfucker for hurting his feelings in a heartbeat.
Last night my boy and I went to a small party that some of our vanilla friends were hosting. It was just a small get together out in the country with only 6 people there counting Bear and myself. He decided to stay sober so I started doing tequila shots with my hostess friend. I usually don't drink tequila because it tends to make me short tempered, but since I was with mostly people I knew and trusted it didn't seem like a bad idea. I didn't drink enough to get wasted, but I did have 6 tequila shots in less than an hour.
That is when the only guy at the party I didn't know started teasing my boy. I told him to knock it off because he was drunk and I didn't want to listen to it. He would quit for awhile, but he was so drunk that he would get bored and forget I just told him to fuck off.
Around 5 a.m. Bear started to fall asleep so my friend said we could stay in one of the extra rooms. I helped her make it up then took my boy to bed. He laid down and crashed almost immediately. I was relaxed but still awake. After about 30 minutes I heard the door open. I saw that drunk asshole sneaking into the room like he was gonna crawl in bed with us. I sat up and glared and told him to fuck off. He did, but he kept coming back every few minutes to fuck with me since he knew I was trying hard not to wake Bear up and I wouldn't do anything.
After the asshole came in for the fourth time, I had had enough. I stood up carefully and moved to the door where he was standing and told him to get out or I would fuck him up. He got pissed and started yelling so I grabbed him by the throat and shoved him backwards over the t.v. This is when everyone else noticed something was going on. They tried to calm him down, but he was drunk and stupid and yelling his head off, trying to get up and come after me. Everyone else was holding him back and this is when Bear woke up. He had his hands on my waist like he was going to hold me back, but I wasn't about to let him get involved. My instincts were kicking in hard and my only thought was Bear's safety and well-being. I was fully ready to rip that drunk motherfucker apart, but I knew I couldn't loose it because Bear would get involved and I didn't want him to be.
Long story short, my friends talked him into the kitchen to try to calm his drunk ass down while Bear and I got our stuff and left. I was so pissed and at the edge of my control by the time I got to the car that my whole body was shaking violently. It took me a long time to calm down enough to sleep after that.
I think one thing nobody but my boy understands is that I am a very avaricious person. When something is mine, it is MINE, end of story. And nobody messes with my things. I protect and care for my own and fuck everybody else. That is how I am and always have been. Even when I am feeling submissive, I am still possessive over things that are mine. Bear is my boy and I would have killed that drunk motherfucker for hurting his feelings in a heartbeat.
Monday, February 21, 2011
We Are Family
In some groups you will hear the comparison made between the group and a family. I have always felt close to my particular Munch group, but I realized Saturday night that we really are like a family. We get together for dinner, we talk, we laugh, and offer advice to help each other. Most of us try to keep in touch outside of the Munches too. It can be easy to take for granted, but I am impressed and touched by the way everyone really came together to remember their sister, Q.
I can't tell you how amazing it was to see everyone show up for Q's memorial. There were over 50 people who there and many more who couldn't be there that left messages of support and remembrance. It is in times of tragedy that the true character of the community as a whole is most visible. It really touched me to see everyone band together in grief and celebrate the life of an amazing friend. Q, you are loved and missed.
I can't tell you how amazing it was to see everyone show up for Q's memorial. There were over 50 people who there and many more who couldn't be there that left messages of support and remembrance. It is in times of tragedy that the true character of the community as a whole is most visible. It really touched me to see everyone band together in grief and celebrate the life of an amazing friend. Q, you are loved and missed.
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