Appendectomy and Other Fun

Ok I had every intention of writing again way sooner than this, but the last month has been insane. Bear went into the hospital the week before his birthday to have his appendix out. He was sick and in the hospital for a little less than a week. Then he had to make sure he didn't pull his stitches or re-injure himself for 6 weeks after they released him. He was in a ton of pain for weeks. It was killing me to see him so miserable, especially since there was absolutely nothing I could do to help. Thank the Gods that he is recovered and doing fine now.

Then after that drama there was the insanity of the holiday season. *shudder* Enough said about that.

Finally the spring semester just started and because I'm me I have 5 classes right now. Homework is a giant, constantly crushing weight. Bear is taking 3 of the same classes which is mostly helpful. Although since I still have yet to find a job and he works 5 days a week, I end up being responsible for both of our schedules. This does not bother me.

Lately things have felt strange between us. He is still the sweet, wonderful submissive that I love most of the time, but sometimes it feels like he is fighting me even when I am doing what he wants. I don't know if it is just a defiant streak in his nature, or if there is a problem he doesn't want to talk about. I have prompted him to speak to me if something is bothering him several times, but he insists there is nothing wrong. Maybe it is me. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive and jumping at nothing.

It could always just be good old fashioned stress putting both of us on edge. We are both under pressure to save money and do well in school and maybe this is just a side effect. Whatever the case, I want my sweet boy to be my sweet girl again. It seems like forever since I made him feel like his sissy self that he hides from the rest of the world. I think I may have a long overdue surprise for him tonight, depending on how he seems after work. :)

Bad Luck

I know I haven't been writing alot lately, but that is mostly due to a month long string of horrible luck. I lost my job, my car died, I got behind in classes because of the job that I lost, I was very sick for over a month, and other smaller crappy things. So long story short things have been pretty terrible here since the end of October. The only bright spot in this whole ordeal has been my Bear. He has been a true blessing and I honestly don't think I would have survived the last few months without him. If I ever do break down and let you read my blog sweetheart, know that you are wonderful and I am grateful the universe saw fit to bring you into my life.

That being said, I need to finish up with schoolwork so I will have to catch everyone up on my first play party with Bear next time I have some "me time".

Silken

Earlier this week I had Bear wear one of his new pairs of panties. This pair is black and white gingham silk with a large border of black lace around the thighs and a small black bow right in the middle. They fit perfectly at first, especially in the back. His ass was so cute with the shear fabric hugging the supple curves. I couldn't keep my hands and lips off him. I laid him down on his back on the bed and tied his wrists together over his head with my white silk rope while he was wearing nothing but his new panties. I slowly kissed all over his body, avoiding the one place he wanted me to kiss. I ordered him to keep silent and still while I continued to tease him with kisses and bites all over. When I could tell he was ready I made him beg me for what he wanted. By that time he could hardly speak, but I made sure he addressed me correctly and begged me like the sweet little bitch he is.

I fucked his sweet girly ass for the first time then. I have been slowly playing with his slit and his tight little fuck-hole for the last few days to get him ready for me. He did really well for his first time. I didn't fuck him too hard or too long because I know how sensitive my little bitch is. I just wanted to stretch him out a bit so I can fuck him right soon. Even though I could tell he was a little bit uncomfortable he was still begging for more like a good little slut. I can tell that we will have tons of fun once I get him ready to take me right.

Afterward, I told him to shower like normal except I wanted him to shave his legs this time. He was nervous because he had never shaved them before. He did his best but I could still see spots where he missed after he was done. So before he got dressed or dried off I put him back in the shower and this time I shaved his legs perfectly smooth. He couldn't stop saying how weird it felt, but every time I looked over at him that night he was rubbing them together or running his hand over them. Not that I blame him, I couldn't keep my hands off him the rest of the night. There is nothing sexier than a sissy with smooth legs and silky panties laying in your bed. :)

An Excellent Evening

I took Bear out to a nice dinner tonight. It was wonderful. We went to a Japanese restaurant where they prepare the food in front of you at the table. It was absolutely delicious and we had a great time. After dinner, we went to Cirilla's (which for those of you who don't know is an adult store) and bought goodies. I bought myself a black satin corset trimmed in black lace. It fits beautifully which is why I spent the $80 for it. For him I bought a small, ribbed, silicone vibrator and some lacy white panties. He doesn't know it yet, but I plan on introducing him to anal sex in the near future. However, he does know that the panties are for him and I can tell he is both excited and nervous about it. Wearing them has been a fantasy of his for a very long time and he is apprehensive about finally having it come true. I'm just plain-old excited. I love the way a sissy looks in white panties. It turns me on like nothing else. I can't wait until we finally get enough time to play. Its been too long since I've had a male subbie to play with. I'm sure he can't wait either. :)

Patience Has Its Rewards

So I guess accepting the way things are and having patience has paid off in a big way for me. Although we are still taking things slow for the time being, Bear has decided to submit fully to me. He is mine and I can't even begin to describe the absolute wave of emotion that overtakes me when I think those words. It is the most euphoric and terrifying feeling I've ever had. He makes me feel like I am more myself, more complete and knowing that he is mine is an amazing thing. I am so grateful that I was able to find such a wonderful submissive when I was least looking for him. I feel like I have been given an amazing opportunity and I don't intend to squander a second of it. When I think the word "Mine" his face is what I see and vice versa. It is almost like he is part of me. I can read his every movement and expression so clearly. We are so in tune with each other it almost feels like telepathy. We just gravitate around each other without giving it a thought. Most times we don't even have to speak, every look says volumes. I can't believe we have only known each other for 6 weeks. It feels like lifetimes.

Standing Still

Things are still at a stand still in my life. I have filed the divorce papers, but I have to wait 60 days for it to be final. Bear and I are still on pause as well. I feel like I am just waiting for everything right now. However, I don't mind it as much as I would have once. I feel like it is a much needed lesson in patience. I appreciate the chance to test my ability to wait and curb some of the impulsiveness I have been developing in the last few years. It is difficult, but I am managing pretty well.

There is really nothing else to say other than waiting, waiting, and waiting some more. :)

Exhausted

Between preparing everything for the divorce, school, and packing I am thoroughly exhausted. I have a ton of things to do and not much time to do them. I am also essentially broke until I get my student loan refund which should be next week. I just hope I can get everything to come together. Preferably before I collapse. I am so thankful I have Bear to help me with everything. Even though we are not technically dating or doing anything naughty, we are still close. I can't wait until I am moved out and settled on my own as a single woman. I only hope everything goes well. Wish me luck.